My Best Friend, My Boyfriend, My Life
by Tasty Burgers
Summary: Bella and Edward are best friends. Life is as complicated as expected for two teenagers, especially for the lovestruck Bella Swan… until Edward becomes critically ill and is assumed dead. So where do the vampires come in? And... you said, 'assumed dead?
1. Edward Anthony Mason

I'd just like to make it clear that in this story, Bella and Edward are both human. Don't worry though! The Cullens do come later and they are _not _human.

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Chapter 1

**Edward Anthony Mason**

I slammed the door of my truck closed, little specks of red paint glided to the ground like snow. I inspected the edge of the door frame and sighed at the sight of a disappearing paint job. My father had brought this truck for me as a present when I first arrived here in Forks. As first impressions go, this car _should_ have had a pretty poor one, but in my eyes this car had attitude. I had loved it at first sight. It's loud, roaring engine reminded me of a lion; it was fearless. And if challenged in a collision my truck would probably come out most-intact.

Of course this King of the Jungle was missing some kingly qualities such as it's incapability of going over sixty. It was a rather unfortunate discovery as it had left me stranded on a road some two-hour-walk away from the nearest telephone.

I gave my door a good-natured, well-earned pat, then; quickly readjusting my back pack, I made my way across the wet car park, over to the shelter by the entrance to the cafeteria where Edward and a group of our friends waited.

Edward and I had been best friends since my fourth visit to Forks, back in the days when it was routine to make yearly visits to my father, Charlie. I always dreaded those visits. Not because I didn't like catching up with Charlie, but because of those damned fishing trips. I never had the heart to tell Charlie I detested them, not after he give's me a new fishing pole every time I get off the plane. Not after seeing his red, shining, excited face. So I put up with the fishing trips. I did it for Charlie's sake. That is, until I met Edward. It was just by luck that Edward's grandfather, who was living in Forks, was sick and so they were down there visiting him. Just luck that Edward's father, who was also named Edward, decided to force Edward on a fishing trip to that particular lake on that particular week. Just damn good luck.

I had enjoyed Edward's company so much that his father and my father made a point of it to catch up every year and we'd all go fishing together. It certainly made the yearly visits much more enjoyable and I even started to count down days until I would see Edward again.

Edward and I stayed very close, despite the long distance between us. It always made me sad, those farewells where Edward would leave back home for Chicago and I for Phoenix. My mother, Renee, hated seeing me so depressed when I would arrive back home. She called my father and he called Edward's father and they all arranged another way for Edward and I to catch up more than just once a year. It was finally agreed that Edward and I would call each other once every weekend and in between that we could email each other.

I remember the joy I had felt when receiving an email from Edward telling me that his family were moving to Forks! They were moving there to be closer to his grandfather who apparently was entering his last few months of life. After hearing this it had always made me secretly long to move to Forks but the thought of leaving Renee in Phoenix to cope by herself had cancelled that desire. Until she met Phil, a handsome, _young_, small league baseball player. Phil moved around a lot and Icould see what it was doing to my mother. I was holding her back, preventing her from staying with Phil. This was the small push I needed for moving to Forks.

I had announced my plans to Renee, and of course she had been disappointed, but I could see the want in her eye. The need for being with Phil. The motherly part of her didn't want me to go, wanted me in arms reach at all times, but the other part of her, the part that wanted to live its own life, that part wanted her to let go and fulfil her own personal desires.

"Hey everyone," I said as I neared the group. Only one person really noticed me, and the smile on his face was radiant with contentment at my arrival.

"Bella, you made it!" He looked down at his watch. "Just in time, too. I was getting worried that you weren't going to show!"

I laughed and gave him a bump on the knuckles as was customary when we greeted each other. "So, how was detention yesterday?" I asked, pulling my back pack off my shoulders, dropping it to the ground by my feet and then leaning on the table that Edward was sitting on. Edward sighed and shook his head.

"Oh, you know the usual," He looked up at me and rolled his eyes. "Had to write a bunch of lines explaining what I did wrong."

I looked at him seriously and raised one eyebrow. "Then I hope you've learnt your lesson. You'd better not do it again."

Edward lowered his head to the ground, mocking guilt. "I will never, ever kick a soccer ball at the PE teacher again," He looked up at me, his eyes glinting with mischievousness and the corners of his lips pulled up in a dangerous smile. "But Bella," he said innocently, "it's not my fault he just happened to be standing right where I kicked the ball, and it's not my fault he's such a git. How can I honestly know where the ball is going to go exactly? And what's more, how can I help if it hits him in the lower region? You can't expect my aim to be _that _accurate."

I snorted and gave him a gentle shove to the shoulder. "You're the best soccer player in the school. You could aim the ball at someone's little finger and not miss!"

Edward laughed and stood up, flinging his back pack over his shoulder. "Really, one of these days, you might actually make me blush!"

I bent down to pick up my own bag. "Wouldn't that be a nice change," I muttered under my breath.

"What's that?" Edward asked.

"Nothing," I said quickly and started walking to catch up with the others. Edward followed behind me, searching for something in his bag, distracted for the moment.

"So Bella," Mike said to me. "You wanna come hang round with us after school?"

I bit down on my lower lip and smiled slightly. "Who's us?" I asked.

"Well, me, Laura, Jess, Tyler, Edward and maybe Angela."

I thought for a moment, wondering if I would be bothered by the end of school. "We'll see," I said finally, figuring that was a fair answer. Mike seemed satisfied and nodded his head.

The rest of the day went by slowly, and it was a huge relief when we were finally dismissed, however I still had to let Mike know if I was up for hanging out with everyone later. I could say I had a lot of homework and just go home and read a book. Or I could go and just mainly spend the time just joking around with Edward.

Both options were equally as tempting and it wasn't until Edward came up to me and asked, "So you coming with us all after school today or what?" that I made up my mind.

I gave him a wide smile and said, "Of course."

Edward smiled back, obviously glad that I was coming and we both walked outside to the car park where Mike and the others waited by Tyler's van, listening to some music.

"Honestly guys," Edward said in disapproval, "Greenday?"

I laughed aloud and the others scowled at Edward's teasing.

"Hey," Tyler said, "Didn't you, at your thirteenth birthday party when I brought you their new album, say to me "Tyler, this is exactly what I wanted!"?" Tyler looked at everyone and raised his eyebrows.

But Edward wasn't falling for it.

"Hmm, I also remember you tried to hug me after I said that."

"Tried to?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

Edward shrugged. "I shoved him away and told him to go home and think about his sexuality."

Everyone burst out laughing and Tyler's face turned a deep red colour. I almost felt sorry for him.

"Jeez guys, it was four years ago alright?" Tyler said defensively, but it only made us all laugh harder.

Mike was the first to calm down and he stood up with a slap to his knee. "Alright you bunch of loser kids, let's get going before it gets too dark."

"Who are you calling a loser kid?" Edward asked, pretending to be insulted. I walked past him, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder.

"You had to find out sooner or later. I'm just sorry it had to be like this," I gestured to our audience who laughed as they one-by-one got into the van.

It was quite crowded in the van. Edward and Tyler sat up front. After a vicious battle of some vulgar language and some minor physical violence, Edward had won driver's seat.

The rest of us sat in the back with Angela sitting on Jess's lap and Lauren sitting on Mikes. Lauren didn't seem to mind. She kept giving me little sidelong glances, with a smug expression on her face. She didn't seem to understand that I didn't _want _to sit on Mike's lap.

"Where are we going anyway?" Jessica asked after a good ten minutes of driving.

Tyler looked into the back and said, "Where do you think we're going?" He seemed disappointed. "We're going to the beach!"

"But it will be dark," Lauren said. "What's the point in going to the beach if there's no sun?"

"I find the beach is really relaxing at night," I offered. "It's so quiet with just the sound of the waves."

Lauren glared at me, her mouth in a hard line. "But _Bella_, obviously we're not going there to _relax_." She had said my name with venom and pronounced it more like _Bell-aaah_.

Edward was always protective of me, and whenever Lauren would take a snap at me, he would always come round with a band to tie her mouth shut.

"Tyler and Mike thought this would be a good night to relax after yesterday's exams. It's the one night this week it's not supposed to rain."

"Still it seems pretty pointless―"

"Carpe Diem, dear friend," Edward interrupted, turning into a long driveway that would lead us to our favourite beach hangout.

Lauren frowned and leaned to Angela's ear. I only just heard what she said.

"What does _Carpe Diem _mean?" She had asked.

I felt only too obliged to answer her question, "It means _'Seize the day'." _I said, watching her don't-you-dare-outsmart-me-in-public-again face with amusement. Of course, I practically outsmart Lauren everyday.

I caught sight of Edward's face in the front review mirror and I could have sworn I saw him smile if only for a second.

"We're here!" Tyler announced as Edward parked the car.

We all got out, grateful to get the cramps out of our legs from being squished together for so long. I lifted my arms up in the air and took a deep breath. Suddenly someone grabbed me around my stomach and lifted me up, spinning me around. I squealed with both delight and surprise.

"Put me down," I laughed, slightly dizzy. Whoever it was placed me down and held me supportively until I was steady. I turned around to face Edward. "Oh!" I exclaimed, jumping from fright.

Edward frowned. "Hey, I'm not _that _ugly."

I played along. "You _still _haven't fixed your mirror?" I sighed, "Well, it's probably for the better."

Edward laughed and shoved me slightly. Actually, a little harder than he meant to as I stumbled back and my heel caught on a rock. I fell to the ground on my butt.

"Ouch!" I cried when I landed. Edward's face was shocked.

"Bella, are you alright?" He was worried.

I rubbed the side of my butt. It was going to bruise.

"I'm fine," I assured him and raised my arm to him. He took it and pulled me to my feet.

"I'm so sorry," He said but I waved a hand dismissively.

"No serious pain, so no foul," I said. Edward smiled slightly but I could tell he still felt bad. I decided to just let it go; he would get over it if he knew I had.

"Let's go down, shall we?" I suggested to the group. Several nodded and mumbled an agreement, so we started along the grassy track that led down to the sand and ocean. Mike and Tyler walked up front with the blankets, coke and packets of marshmallows.

"Getting kind of dark isn't it?" I said to Angela.

She nodded but kept her eyes to the ground. "Yeah," she said as she rubbed her arms for warmth. "And kind of chilly too," she added.

"Then I guess it's a good thing Mike brought the blankets," I said, trying to make conversation.

Angela is a pretty easy friend. Talking isn't a requirement of hers; she's that sort of person you can sit around with, not say a word, and still enjoy her company.

"Sure is," She agreed.

Shortly, after another two minutes of hiking in silence, we reached the sandy beach. I quickly slipped my shoes off and took a moment to just stand on the spot and close my eyes; I loved nothing more than to feel the sand between my toes, a slight breeze to keep me cool, and the distant sound of gentle waves.

I lifted my arms up by my side like a bird… pure freedom was how it felt.

"What are you doing?" Edward's voice came from behind me.

I didn't move, didn't even open my eyes. "I'm flying," I said quietly, smiling as the calm wind blew in my face.

"Are you sure?" Edward said, "You don't seem to have left the ground yet."

I dropped my arms back down to my sides and opened my eyes to glare at him.

"It's called an imagination, Edward." I said, pretending to sound exasperated.

Edward smiled slyly. "Oh, I know. Believe me, I _have _one."

I laughed. "Right… _no_, that's _not_ an imagination."

"Whatever," Edward said, putting his hand on my lower back and pushing me towards the others. An odd feeling coursed through me when he removed his hand and for a second I wanted nothing more than to have him place it back there. "Let's go see how the others are coping with this fire."

"What fire?" I asked, confused.

"Exactly," he said.

Mike and Tyler were crouched over a pile of sticks; all positioned so they were leaning against each other like a tepee. A bunch of matches lay beside the tepee, all blackened after use. I looked at the matchbox to see that only a few matches remained.

"Are they all the matches left?" I asked, worried.

Mike mumbled, "Yes," as he tried to light stick on fire ones more.

"I think I see what the problem is here," Edward said.

Tyler twisted around to look at him, "And?" he asked, frustrated.

"Leaves," Edward said. "Add some dried leaves into your little pile of sticks and you should have a fire going in no time."

Tyler stood up and brushed off his hands on the side of his legs. "Right then, I'll go get some." He said before walking off towards the track we had come from.

I suddenly realised Jess and Lauren were missing. Angela lay on her back on a blanket, just chilling under the setting sun.

"Where are the others?" I asked. Edward looked pointedly towards the ocean where I saw Jessica and Lauren walking in the water's tide, shoes in hand.

"Oh ok," I said, returning my attention to Mike and the fire.

I noticed Edward was still watching the other two.

"Edward?" I asked.

His eyes didn't move. "I think," he stopped speaking and I waved a hand in his face. He flinched, finally snapped out of his trance and then looked at me and smiled. "I think I'll just go and see how cold the water is."

"Oh… alright then," I was disappointed, but then I smiled. "Hey, I'll come too."

Edward bit his lower lip. "Well, I'll probably only be, you know… you'll probably find it's a waste of time, like…" He sighed. "Sure, if you like."

Something hit me in the stomach, winding me. Did my best friend…? Did he just…? My mind couldn't even think straight. I reached for a coke.

"You know what?" I said, my eyes looking anywhere but his face. "You go ahead. I'll catch up later," I said, and then added a stiff, "maybe." I lifted the coke up in a _cheers _fashion and opened it, taking a sip.

"Yeah, alright, cool." He said before jogging off towards Lauren and Jessica.

It all came to me then. He wanted to be with _them_. That was why he didn't want me there. Edward was a good guy; he wouldn't turn his back on me. If I was there I'd probably just get attacked by Lauren and he'd protect me, stand up for me.

And of course that would completely screw his chances with either of them.

But why on earth would Edward ever be attracted to Lauren? I _hated _Lauren, and I had always been fairly certain Edward wasn't too fond of her either.

So it must be Jessica. It _had _to be.

Of course that would make…some sense. She was a good friend, not including her incapability to keep a secret, and she was a nice person. I could understand why a guy would be interested in her.

But this guy here was _Edward;_ _my_ Edward.

My best friend.

Jessica Stanley was a good person, but was she good enough for Edward Mason?

Tyler returned at that moment, his hands full of dry leaves.

"About bloody time," Mike said, grabbing the leaves from his hands and dropping them onto the pile of sticks.

"What took you so long?" I asked Tyler.

He shrugged. "Just had to walk kind of far," he said.

I nodded and then laughed.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I reached out and pulled something from his hair. "You had a leaf in your hair," I showed it to him and he scowled.

"Yes!" Mike cried out, as the tepee was suddenly engulfed by a flame. I felt myself relax as the heat from the fire radiated onto my skin.

Mike pulled out a packet of marshmallows and picked up a stick that was lying nearby and stuck a marshmallow on it.

"Hey, you three," Tyler called out to the three beach romantics. "We got fire and marshmallows! Come get some before it all runs out!"

I watched with a weird feeling in my stomach as Edward raced Lauren and Jessica over to us. Lauren stopped suddenly and knelt over to examine her foot. Edward noticed and jogged back to see what was wrong when he suddenly had a pile of sand dumped on his head.

Lauren ran screaming towards the group, Edward not far behind. Jessica arrived first and was bent over in a fit of laughter. Edward and Lauren were both breathless by the time they reached us.

"Jeez you three," Mike said, shaking his head. "Get your breath back and help yourself to some of these marshmallows."

We all relaxed around the fire, telling funny stories, eating melting marshmallows and watching the sun set until the leaves ran out and the flames died around two hours later.

We walked back to the van, the trip taking longer than it had on our arrival on the current situation of it now being dark.

It never left my attention that Edward was walking unnecessarily close to Jessica. So close that his hand would graze hers here and there. Nor did it leave my notice that he hadn't said a single word to me since he had come back from his walk with those two. I was suddenly insignificant in his eyes. Not that those eyes had even looked at me since, either.

On a particular steep step, I watched in repulsion as Edward placed his hand on Jessica's lower back and helped give her a gentle, steadying push as she stepped up.

I pulled at the collar of my shirt, realising that it was too tight and was making it hard to breath. I must have been really distracted not to notice it earlier.

We reached the van eventually. While the others got into it I turned around to take one last look at the ocean. It was very dark, and the only things that gave away the vast amount of water in front of me was the sound of the waves crashing against distant cliffs and the reflection of the little light the moon and stars gave off as it caught on certain angles of the waves.

"Are you coming or what Bella?" Edward asked, his head leaning out of the front passenger seat window.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I just got… distracted." I walked over to the van and paused.

Edward laughed. "Looks like you're going to have to sit on Tyler's lap."

I panicked. "No, I'm too heavy. I'll crush him." I spoke quickly; my voice getting slightly higher pitched ever word.

Tyler scoffed, "As if Bella, you're probably the lightest here!" Lauren glared at him and then at me. _How dare she be compared to me_, it said.

"Fine," I said, and got into the van and sat on his lap.

Tyler decided to make things very awkward for me just then; he wrapped his arms around my waist. I held my breath for a moment, unsure of how to react.

Mike was driving this time, and he started the engine which roared to life. It was not as loud as my truck, though it could put up a decent fight.

The trip could not have gone any slower. I closed my eyes most of the time, wanting nothing more than to see the driveway of my house. Only occasionally would I open my eyes to make sure we were still moving.

We arrived at Lauren's house first. I didn't miss the murderous look she threw at me before getting out of the van.

I tried to move over now that there was a free seat in the car but Tyler's arms refused to move.

"Stay," he said with a sly smile on his face. "You're keeping me warm."

I looked away and grimaced, disgusted.

Angela was next, and then me.

I got out of the car, resisting the urge to kneel over and kiss the ground. The beautiful, welcoming, wonderful firm ground. I said goodbye to the others, and shut my door. Edward got out of the car and, for a moment, I thought he was getting out to give me a proper goodbye, say, a hug or something. But he gave me nothing more than a small wave and a smile before getting back into the van to sit next to... Jessica.

I swallowed, something rising up in my throat. My heart pounded in my ears, and my hands started to shake slightly.

And I realised something I should have realised a long time ago.

I watched the van back out of my driveway before I ran inside the house, ignoring Charlie who sat in the living room watching some game on TV, a beer in his hand, and upstairs into my room. Once inside, I locked the door and leaned my back against it, closing my eyes and giving a last attempt at ordering my scrambled mind.

Dare I admit it? Dare I say these words?

I had lied to myself for too long now. The truth was there, hiding, and I had subconsciously known about it all along, only I had been too dull-witted to notice.

I sank to the floor, my knees weak and giving in to gravity. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes as the words etched themselves into my mind.

_I am completely in love with Edward Anthony Mason._

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I can't say the updates for these chapters are going to be regular as I am working on two stories at once and I have promised myself to make these chapters for this story reasonably long and so they take a while to write.

Please review, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!


	2. Dashing and Synonyms

Yay! an update D

Hope you all enjoy this chapter! I'll remind you at the end as well as right now; Please review! I love reviews )

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Chapter 2

**Dashing and Synonyms**

I woke up groggy eyed the next morning, and completely dreading what the day had in store for me.

I had cried myself to sleep the night before, torn that Edward would never love me as I so suddenly loved him.

Or not so suddenly, as I feel I have loved him all along, ever since I first set sight on him in his over-sized gumboots and yellow overalls. He had always been quite attractive, even as a seven year old. With those magnificent striking green eyes, that unkempt, disobedient bronze hair and his admirable personality; he really was unique.

_Dashing_ is another way I like to describe Edward, dashing and synonyms!

Handsome, remarkable, attractive, elegant and just plain amazing! Oh the list could go on!

How depressing to realise he could have been mine. All mine had I only acknowledged that I held this veiled love for him.

And now it was too late.

He was in love with another girl; though I find it rather ludicrous to call it love. He couldn't love her. What an absurd thought! Edward was fantastic and brilliant whereas Jessica was just… well she was just a hormone-raging seventeen-year-old girl. She couldn't know anything about love!

Of course, I'm a seventeen year old girl too, but I _know _that what I feel for Edward is _love_.

Pure, unconditional, impenetrable, true _love_.

And I believe- _no_, I _know _that somewhere in him, somewhere deep; just waiting to be certified, he loves me, too. I just have to be patient.

I pulled out a pair of my best jeans from my draw and hastily put them on, almost falling over in the process. I caught a glimpse of my radio clock and almost choked on shock at what time it read. Crap, I was going to be late! With just a quick glance around my room I found my blue t-shirt and my black hoodie. I put them on and practically jumped the whole staircase and ran into the kitchen.

I only prayed we had bread.

We didn't. Well, not fresh bread, anyway.

Too late to care about such small things as mould, I picked all the small bits off and ate what little bread was left.

I grabbed my bag that I always kept by the door and my coat that lay on top of it. In a rush to put my jacket on, my arm got caught halfway in a sleeve and I found myself standing with my arms awkwardly behind me. I attempted to yank them free and instead lost my balance, stepped on my own foot and fell onto the door. My head had the good fortune to get first impact.

"Ouch," I said, finally getting my arm free so I could rub my tender forehead.

Angry at the door for being there in the first place, I kicked it hard before I stomped outside and locked it shut. I turned around to head over to my truck.

Which wasn't there.

"Where the hell is my―" I stopped short as images from yesterday ran through my head like a slideshow. Oh, right. It was still at school.

Which sucks because now I have to walk.

_Or you could just stay home, _a little voice said in my head. I considered it for a moment. What? Stay home and miss Jessica being all over Edward?

Ok.

The first thing I did when I was back inside was call the school and told them I wouldn't be in today, because I didn't want them looking into my absence; for example, calling Charlie.

There wasn't much I could do in the house. Everything seemed pretty clean. I brushed off the bread crumbs on the table that I hadn't bothered to clean up from my breakfast and put them in the bin. The bathroom was in pretty shiny condition, as I had only cleaned it a couple of days earlier on Sunday. Though, I guess it wouldn't hurt anyone if I redid it.

So I did that. I spent the next two hours on my knees scrubbing every nook and cranny in sight.

By the end I was considering banning anyone from using the toilet it was so clean.

My room was in an acceptable state, as was every other room in the house.

I decided to read a book.

Lost in a wonderful world of love and heartbreak, a loud knocking brought me back to present times.

I placed my book down beside me and stood up. I felt really stiff; I must have been reading for longer than I realised. I trudged out of my room, down the stairs and to the door. It was a surprise to see Edward there, his hair dripping wet and his arms across his chest, hugging himself for warmth. I laughed at the sight; he looked like a wet dog.

"What are you laughing at? Why aren't you at school?" He demanded answers.

"Relax, breath, I'm laughing at you and I didn't have a car to get to school."

Edward frowned, "Your truck's at school."

"I know."

"Why is it at school and you're here?" He looked lost.

"It's been at school since yesterday. I forgot about that when you all dropped me off at my place." I placed my hands on my hips and gestured inside. "Now are you coming in or what? Why are you so wet?"

Edward stepped inside my house, muttering a quiet "thank you" and slipping his shoes off. I led him into the kitchen where it would be easiest to wipe the wet floor later and fetched him a dry towel. I came back into the kitchen and threw it to him.

"Thanks," He dried his hair with it. "I ran," he explained.

"You _ran?_ Why didn't you just _drive_?" I was shocked.

"Couldn't drive. Teachers would see me leaving and I didn't want to risk getting caught. I was worried about you Bella."

His words touched my heart but I was angry at him.

"What about Jessica? You just left her at school."

Edward frowned. "Excuse me? Jessica?"

"Yes. Didn't you think about how she would react to this? About _you _being _here_ with _me_? Honestly Edward," I scolded.

Edward still looked hopelessly confused. "Bella," he said. "What are you _talking about_?" His voice went slightly higher as he said those last two words.

I frowned. "Aren't you and Jessica," I twirled my two index fingers around each other, trying to silently say _together_. Edward just raised an eyebrow. "Going out?" I added finally, sighing.

Edward stepped away from me, appalled. "_God, no_! What the hell made you think that?"

I felt myself relax with relief, but I couldn't let him see that. "So you and Jessica…?"

He grimaced. "No," he said, disgusted.

"Ok, right… my mistake. Moving on," I said lightly, desperate to change subject now that the whole Jessica issue was out of the way.

Edward stepped towards me, making me slightly nervous. "Bella?"

I smiled innocently. "Yes?"

He stopped. "Why did you think Jessica and I were…" he seemed to be choking on the last word, "together?"

I bit my lower lip. "No reason," I said quickly. "Just a little misunderstanding on my part. Not a big deal, really." I looked at him desperately, "Can we just not talk about this. I'm really embarrassed."

Edward laughed; the sound music to my ears. "Why are you embarrassed? Just tell me." He shrugged, "I won't judge."

I glared at him, but decided it really wouldn't hurt to tell him. After all, he _was _my best friend. I always told him everything.

I figured I should probably sit down first. Edward did the same. "Well," I started, thinking of the best way to put this. "Yesterday, when you went to… feel how cold the water was…" I looked at Edward and saw that he was frowning slightly.

"I really am sorry about that," he said. "Just finish saying whatever it is you're about to say and then I'll explain why I… ditched you like that."

I nodded and continued speaking. "Well, yeah you basically ditched me… for Lauren and Jessica. And when you came back you were practically all over her! Jessica, that is."

Edward laughed but his face turned serious. "If I tell you, will you _promise _not to be mad?"

I thought for a moment. "How can I promise not to be mad?"

Edward frowned. "Say, 'I promise I won't be mad'?" He suggested.

"But what if it affects me, Edward? I can promise I won't be mad, but I can't help it if I become mad and then I'm breaking my promise even if I didn't mean to."

Edward sighed. "It doesn't affect you, Bella." He stared at me for a moment, "Just promise," he ordered.

"Fine," I snapped. "I promise."

Edward shifted slightly so that he was more comfortable.

"Two weeks ago I went to Port Angeles by myself. I was just going to shop for clothes and some new magazines, CDs," He waved his hand flippantly. "You know all that jazz. Anyway, I ran into Lauren, Jessica and," He paused. "Jessica's cousin."

He laughed, "Don't hate me, I know this sounds shallow but she was the hottest girl I had ever seen. It was what I like to refer to as _love at first sight_.

"Jessica saw it right away. That's why I wanted to be with her alone yesterday... I didn't want Lauren there but Jessica said she knew everything. Anyway, she said she could maybe invite her cousin over again and we could meet."

I felt myself start hyperventilating. _Breathe,_ I told myself. _Breathe!_

"And what," I struggled to say. "What's this girl's name?"

Edward smiled. "Kristina."

I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. What had Edward said?

'_It doesn't affect you, Bella.'_

It affected me alright. Edward had just _admitted _that he was hopelessly in love with this girl. He had even organised to meet her again!

What was the other thing he had said? That she was the hottest girl he had ever seen? I knew it shouldn't disturb me; I usually wasn't bothered by such trivial things as appearance.

Especially my own.

Oh, look what this boy was doing to me! He was driving me crazy!

"Are you alright, Bella?" Edward asked, concerned. "You look a bit…pale."

I blinked and looked at him, surprised to see him there; I had completely forgotten about his presence.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just feeling a little...feint," I laughed cheaply. "Maybe it's a good thing I didn't come today. I must be coming down with something."

I stood up, my chair scraping against the floor. I could feel my hands shaking so I quickly tucked them under my arms.

"I think you should go," I said quietly. I wanted nothing more than to be alone right now; for that's what I was- alone. Edward or no Edward- he wasn't mine the way I wanted, the way I _needed _him to be. I so badly needed to distract myself from this mess; from him. "Or you won't make it back to school in time." I said.

"No Bella I can stay." He smiled then, his eyes reflecting a hint of trouble, "Screw school. We can just hang out. I'll face the consequences."

I shook my head. "Go to school, Edward. I'm probably just going to want to sleep anyway."

"Then I'll watch you," He smiled warmly as he often did when he spoke about our childhood years together. "I always thought you were interesting in your sleep."

"You watched me sleep?" I asked, shocked.

"Frequently. Remember when we used to sleep outside? In the tent Charlie brought you for your birthday?"

I laughed, "Yeah. Those were good times."

"Good times, yeah. Anyway you used to keep me awake at night. You talk like crazy, you know that, right?"

I gasped. "You never told me!" _Why_ didn't he tell me? I could have stuffed a sock in my mouth or something! Anything! Oh I can just imagine the things I said!

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I looked at him wide-eyed. "What did I say?" I asked, terrified and unsure if I even wanted an answer.

Edward was thoughtful for a moment. "Hmm… mostly it was just nonsense- a bunch of sounds. Other times you would actually form words and small sentences… but it was all random. It always made me wonder what you dreamt about."

I glared at him. "But you didn't tell me. What did I actually _say_?"

Edward laughed. "Oh! I see. You're embarrassed, but you don't need to be. You never actually said _anything_…well, nothingthat meant anything to me."

I sighed. _Thank god. _Though it didn't slip my notice that he hadn't actually _told _me what I said.

"Hey, Bella," Edward said, his eyes staring at the corner of my kitchen table where he picked at its edges as a distraction. "What would you say to sleeping in that tent again?"

I laughed nervously. "I don't think we would fit in it anymore."

"But it would be fun, wouldn't it? Just like old times."

"I… I guess it would be nice… like old times." I was lost for words as my thoughts were on an entirely…well not an _entirely_ different planet. It was just the thought of sleeping _next _to Edward again. I mean, it was different when we were ten.

"Tonight," He smiled widely. "Let's do it tonight."

"Edward, we would freeze!" Actually, that could work to an advantage…

"You're right. I didn't think of that," he laughed. "Just getting ahead of myself. Something we can do in the summer then?"

I smiled, "Yeah. Sure."

Edward held out his hand. "Promise?"

I shook it. "Promise."

"Of course," we smiled wickedly. "I probably should warn you..."

"What?"

"I sprawl."

------------------------------------------

Edward didn't go back to school. Actually, it turned out I didn't need him to leave so I could give myself some sort of distraction. Edward, funnily enough, was as good as anything at distracting even if the distraction is needed to distract myself from him.

We sat in the living room, pigging out on the sofa and sharing a few laughs about the fishing trips we both hated so much, how we would nick our fathers catches just to make them paranoid about bears. We even confessed little things we had done that we hadn't been aware of at the time and until this present day; I found out it was Edward who had placed that horrifically large dead spider in my sleeping bag one unpleasant night.

He deserved that bruise; I still check my bed for creepy-crawlies.

"Oh! Look at the time, I'd better get dinner ready," I said, standing up. Edward stood up too and followed me into the kitchen.

"Can I help?" He asked.

I shook my head. "That's ok, just make yourself comfortable," I said and gestured to the kitchen chair. "Am I making for three?"

Edward thought for a moment before answering, "Sure. I'd better let my mum know though."

I nodded and started boiling some water while Edward used the phone.

"Hey mum? Yeah, it's Edward."

Without meaning too I realised I was trying to hear what he was saying.

"Uh huh. No, that's alright." A pause, "Well, yes that's why I'm calling. Is that alright?" Another pause, "Thanks mum. See you later, bye."

I heard the phone click back in place as he hung up.

I tried to look innocent as he came back in. "What did she say?"

Edward smiled, "She said yes of course."

"Great."

I was just placing mine and Edward's dinner on the table as Charlie walked through the door.

"Hey Bells," he sniffed the air. "Mmm, what smells so good?"

"Just Macaroni Cheese- I wasn't feeling very creative today."

Charlie shrugged, "Fine by me, as long as it tastes as decent as it smells."

We all sat around the table, the first few minutes past in silence.

"Shoot," Edward muttered and I raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed, "I just dropped a bit of pasta on me, and it's left a small stain."

I laughed. Edward always made big fusses over the smallest of things. Now, if it was a _ketchup _stain…

"Edward, it's hardly a stain. It will come off."

Edward smiled at one corner of his mouth, not completely convinced.

"So what did you kids get up to at school today?" Charlie asked through a mouthful.

I looked at Edward quickly, trying to send a message through my eyes pleading him to answer this one; he knew how much I hated lying.

"Well, Bella was sick this morning so I just came around after school."

_My hero_.

Charlie looked at me and said, "Really Bella? Why didn't you call me? I would have come home."

I shrugged. "I didn't want to bother you. It was nothing serious, I just didn't feel well enough to cope with a whole day of school," I assured him. That was partly true.

Charlie seemed convinced. He turned his attention onto Edward.

"So, how are Edward and Elizabeth doing?"

I never let Edward have a moment's peace without reminding him that his name was the same as his father's. I found it hilarious to no end at how his family were so old fashioned.

"They're well. Mum's started having art lessons, and dad's been cleaning his car a lot."

Edward's father used to be a lawyer, though he's retired now. He recently just brought himself a brand new Alfa Romeo and spends most days giving it some tender loving care and showing it off to all their friends. Edward said that if he plays it cool until his birthday in June, his father will consider buying _him_ a new car; Edward hated his junky Toyota.

"How nice," Charlie said, stuffing another mouthful of macaroni in his mouth. "Tell them Hi for me, will you?"

"Of course," Edward said.

I finished my dinner and waited for the other two to finish theirs before stacking all three plates and heading over to the sink. Edward came up behind me and reached for one pink rubber glove that I wear when doing the dishes.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, trying to take the rubber glove. Edward moved his hand away quickly and reached for a scrubber with his other one. "Hey!" I complained.

Edward chuckled, and for a second I was dazzled by his green eyes. "I'm going to help you with the cleaning up," he eyed Charlie quickly as he left the kitchen for the living room. "It's about time you had someone do it."

I shook my head. "Charlie does enough for this household. I'm just keeping up my part, now give me that glove!" I jumped up for it as Edward had held his hand above his head. Of course, I was too short; I felt ridiculous so I gave up.

"Good. Now, where do we start?"

I pointed to the edge of the sink where piles of dishes were stacked including the three plates from tonight's dinner. Edward reached for a plate, while I filled the sink with warm, soapy water.

With the two of us at it we finished a lot quicker than I usually do on my own.

"I just realised something," I said while I wiped down the sink and the area around it where splashes of water had managed to reach.

"What's that?" Edward asked.

"Your car is still at school. And so is mine."

Edward laughed. "What do you say to going for a walk down there?"

"I'd say alright."

I grabbed my jacket and car keys, Edward following behind as I walked out the front door. I realised I hadn't told Charlie I was leaving.

"Dad," I called out. "Edward and I are just going down to the school to get my truck, because I got dropped off yesterday."

I just faintly heard his reply; obviously something exciting was happening in the game.

The wind had a biting chill to it, a result of the recent downpour. The road glittered as the street light's glow reflected off the tiny puddles in the road's cracks.

A swift breeze ran down the back of my collar. I shivered and hugged myself tightly in attempt for a little warmth.

Edward walked beside me, looking down at the ground. His shoulders were slouched slightly and he had his hands in his pockets. His bronze hair was as usual in a chaotic but styled-liked state. Of course, I knew Edward didn't style his hair; it was naturally gorgeous. I blushed realising what I had just said. Edward looked at me and smiled, causing my cheeks to burn up even more at being caught staring.

"I spy with my little eye," Edward said, though he sounded like he was singing. "Something beginning with…" He thought for a moment. "D."

I sighed. "You know how much I hate this game." When he didn't say anything, I looked around me, "Drain?" I guessed.

Edward whistled, impressed.

Silence again.

I tried to think of something to say, anything. Suddenly, without my permission, I was curious about Kristina.

"Tell me more about Kristina," I said casually. "I want to hear about the girl who stole Edward Mason's heart."

Edward chuckled, but then he sighed. "She has the most wonderful eyes. I can't decide whether they're green, blue or grey. And her hair, it's so long and it just _flows_." He smiled. "She's so unique. Just everything about her is perfect."

I was curious about her hair. "What colour is her hair?"

"Blonde," he answered.

I looked at a strand of loose hair out of the corner of my eyes with newfound distaste. "What's she like?" I asked.

"I don't know her very well yet, but I just have this feeling she's _right _for me. Everything I like in a girl."

I felt like an idiot now; _why _did I want to know about this girl? I knew it would just depress me hearing Edward talk about everything he loved in a girl- everything I'm not. So _why _did I ask these questions?

I felt tears at the edges of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away.

"She sounds nice, Edward," I said, trying to control my voice. "I'm happy you found her. I hope she's everything you want."

Edward looked at me then, and there was a something in his expression that I couldn't quite place. Some sort of understanding? But an understanding for what, exactly?

Whatever it was he seemed to decide to just forget about it as he shook his head and looked back at the ground.

We arrived at school then. I made way over to my truck but Edward grabbed me by the arm.

"I'm picking you up tomorrow morning. Leave your truck here," he ordered. I stared at him, stunned.

I shook my head, clearing it. "What?" I asked finally.

"Leave your truck here. I will pick you up in the morning," he repeated slowly. I nodded my head, understanding.

"Ok," I said and we made our way over to Edward's car.

Edward's car was a poor red colour, fading with age. Its doors squeaked in complaint as we opened them to get in.

The seats were relatively comfortable I had to admit. Edward turned on the heater and radio before backing out of the parking lot and towards my place.

"Are you sure you want to pick me up before school tomorrow?" I asked, fidgeting with the buckle of my seatbelt. Edward looked at me like I was crazy.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I don't mind," he looked back at the road.

"Ok," I said lamely, and bit down on my bottom lip.

We arrived back at my house and Edward stopped the car.

I looked at Edward and all his celestial beauty. "Thanks for driving me," I said quietly. Edward only smiled in reply. I undid my buckle and opened my door. Edward said something just as I was stepping out.

"I'm sorry Bells," he said. I turned to look at him.

"Excuse me?"

But he just shook his head, obviously thinking he'd just made a fool of himself. "Nothing," he chuckled. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

I nodded and slammed the door closed. "Yeah, see you tomorrow."

I didn't bother watch him drive off; I just walked back inside.

"Bells, you're back," Charlie said coming down the stairs. He was wearing his blue, white-striped pyjamas and was holding an empty glass.

"Yeah, sorry it took a while. Edward walked here after school."

"So I noticed. Where your truck? I didn't hear it coming."

"Oh," I rubbed the back of my neck guiltily. "Yeah, Edward's picking me up tomorrow morning."

"Something wrong with your truck?"

"No, no," I said. "The truck's fine. Edward just…wanted to, that's all."

"Oh okay." Charlie said, and walked into the kitchen. "Well, see you tomorrow them sweetheart."

"G'night dad," I said and rushed off upstairs to go to bed, eager to have a goodnight's sleep.

------------------------------------------

I didn't sleep well at all that night. I woke up several times during the night and finally decided it was because my room was too stuffy. I got up with some struggle and walked over to my window. It was difficult to see anything in this kind of light, though my eyes were starting to adjust slowly. I tried to push open my window.

It wouldn't budge.

I studied the edges closely and came to the conclusion that it was stuck. _Well duh_, my mind told me. I thought about opening the door but saw that it was already open.

What do I do now?

I considered just trying to go back to sleep again but figured I would probably end up just lying there till it was time to get ready for school.

I decided to get some fresh air by going for a walk.

It was drizzling slightly when I stepped out the door. I had my rain jacket on even before I knew it was spitting just as a precaution for another downpour; you never know with Forks. I was thinking about where I could go when I saw the trail that led into the forest.

It was quiet in the forest. Not much could be heard besides the crunching of the dirt beneath my feet and the trees moving with the wind high above my head. Their branches interlocked with each other, forming one big light-blocking canopy. Only here and there would the moon's light penetrate through a small gap, providing me with enough light to see the trail.

Though I could not see too much detail, I could just make out the tangled foliage covering most of the forest's surface, the moss on every tree's trunk and where the light would touch, raindrops would mirror the glow, causing a sparkling effect.

The forest calmed me.

I sat down on a nearby log. I didn't want to walk too far into the forest as I might get lost, knowing me.

I took a deep lungful of air. It was cold but refreshing and I found myself holding my breath.

I noticed that deeper in the forest, where I am now, there was no breeze; the air was almost completely still.

I closed my eyes and just sat there, perfectly still, perfectly calm.

This peaceful moment was mine and mine alone. Right now I was the only one in the world. Time had no meaning, life had a meaning. For right now I felt _this _moment was what people live for; this moment of peace where you are at ease with the world, no matter how tough reality is.

Because reality cannot touch me here.

Unless, of course, there are mosquitos around.

_Bzzzzzzz, SLAP! _Miss. Where is the damn thing? I felt a little prick on my arm and I whacked myself. I thought I'd had it until I heard that irritating buzzing sound again.

I sighed and stood up, defeated.

The walk back to the house seemed a lot faster than what it had been on when I was walking into the forest. I reached my front door and opened it quietly, making sure I made no sound whatsoever when I closed it.

I slipped off my shoes and shrugged off my raincoat before I tip-toed back to my room and lay on my down on my bed; I was suddenly exhausted.

Sleep swept over me in an instant. And then it was time to wake up.

"Morning sleepyhead," a familiar voice said.

I sat up, but I couldn't see who it was as my vision was all blurry. I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear them.

"Edward," I asked, squinting. "Is that you?"

* * *

Alrighty, hope you enjoyed that!! Now review ) 

I'll try and update ASAP of course and I'll try do the same with my other story... sorry that it's taking so long for _Injected, _I haven't completely forgotten about it P


	3. Zoned Out

Sorry it's been so long since I have updated! I have been away on a holiday for a week

Well here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy it!

Please review once you've read it!

Oh and for those who have already read this chapter- I keep finding mistakes in it so I have just edited it a bit, so I'm sorry if I get your hopes up if you're expecting a new chapter

Thank you to those who pointed those mistakes out!

* * *

Chapter 3 

**Zoned Out**

"Of course it's me," he said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry," I apologized, "you just surprised me." I shook my head, still unsure of something. Then I looked up at him, my eyebrows pulled together in puzzlement. "Why are you here?"

Edward chuckled and tapped his watch. I glanced beside me to see a menacing 8:00 glowing red. I gasped and jumped out of bed. The sudden movement triggered my klutziness as my toe caught on my blanket which was a tangled chaos around me. I landed with a thud on the floor, the blanket still caught to my foot. I ripped it away rather fiercely, and then rubbed my soon-to-bruise knee. Edward snorted; he had been trying to retain his laughter. I glared at him and he sighed as he walked over to me to give me an arm up.

"Thanks," I mumbled. Edward smiled as he let go of me.

"Just give me a moment," I said as I quickly gathered some clothes and my bathroom necessities.

Edward walked over to my bed and sat on it, bouncing lightly as he observed his surroundings of my room. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful he really looked; in a masculine way of course. His burgundy turtle-neck emphasized the well-toned structure of his torso and I found myself wondering how he might look without it…

He noticed me watching him and I quickly turned away, rushing to the bathroom, my face heating up with embarrassment. This was the second time he had caught me staring at him.

I finished getting ready by tying my hair up in a high ponytail, all hair pulled back. I stared at myself then, and I felt a very new, though familiar once before, knot tense up in the pit of my stomach. For the second time in my life, I wished I was prettier.

"Are you almost ready?" called out the cause for this symptom of reduced self-esteem.

I gave my reflection one last pitiful glance and then put on a phoney smile as I left the bathroom.

"I'm ready," I said, still smiling.

"Great. It's about time," Edward rolled his eyes, pretending to be irritated at having to wait for so long.

I was just passing the kitchen, my arm reaching into my pocket for the keys when a sturdy hand gripped around my arm, just above the elbow, and swung me into the kitchen.

"Hey!" I complained, rubbing my arm. "What do you think you're doing?"

Edward was at the cupboards, pulling out a bowl.

"You don't really think I'd let you face a whole day of school with an empty stomach?"

"Not a whole day," I argued. "There's lunch."

"Sit," he ordered, ignoring me, as he poured in some cornflakes and milk. I sat down.

"Here," he placed the bowl on the table, in front of where I sat. "Eat," he instructed.

"Spoon," I demanded and he rolled his eyes as he pulled one from a draw.

I dug into my cereal, hurrying to finish.

"Thanks," I said through a mouthful. A little bit of milk dribbled from the corner of my lips. Edward grimaced with a smile.

"Just eat," he said. I watched as he leant back in my kitchen chair and folded his arms across his chest. I noticed, as the clouds must have moved, to my great pleasure that it was sunny outside; this surprised me as it was predicted to only be sunny once this week. Yellow rays lit up Charlie's kitchen, bringing it to life. The sun complimented the yellow cupboards my mother had painted so many years ago and Edward's uniquely bronze hair had a mouth dropping effect at the sun's touch. It was hard to look away.

"Your hair looks great in the sun," I told him. Edward looked at me from glazed eyes, obviously distracted from deep thought. They came back into focus.

"Hmmm?" He raised his eyebrows.

"I said 'your hair looks great in the sun'."

Edward laughed. "Hardly, I have weird hair."

I was shocked. "Weird hair? I've always loved your hair."

"We could swap," he suggested. I laughed and he joined me.

"Done!" I announced, placing my spoon down.

Edward looked at his watch. "We're going to be late. Oh well," he sighed. He stood up and I did the same.

"Come on," he said, shrugging into his jacket. He threw me my bag and we left the house. I quickly locked the door behind me before jogging over to his car.

Edward already had the engine started and the heater turned on low, waiting to heat up.

We arrived at school half an hour late. I had amused myself by taking a look through Edward's mobile. Edward got out of the car, but I remained seated. He bent down now, to peer through his window. He knocked on it gently.

"Bella, are you getting out?" He was impatient. "Come on. We're already half an hour late!"

I looked at him apologetically. "Sorry," I gave him a small smile, "I just zoned out for a bit- I'm still a little tired."

I got out of the car, swung my bag's strap over my shoulder and followed Edward into the school reception, my thoughts a tangled chaos.

For I had not _zoned out_- not in the sense Edward had thought, anyway. No, I was very much aware of reality, very much aware of where I was; which was in the position of a best friend, not a girlfriend, or soon-to-be. No, I was _very _aware of reality.

For Edward had a new message.

From Jessica.

He was to meet Kristina on Saturday.

------------------------------------------

Edward waved his hand in the air, catching my attention from across the cafeteria.

His gesture was calling me over. Why was he sitting there?

I looked over to our usual lunch table, which was empty. It was not a big deal, I was just confused. I walked over to our new table. Jessica and Edward sat next to each other, now obviously continuing some deep and concentrated conversation. Angela and Ben held each other's hand. Occasionally Ben would lean in and peck Angela on the cheek, at which her mouth would lift up into a small smile as her response. It was a shy relationship, but somehow deep and full of love for one another. I had to look away as I felt I was intruding just by looking.

Usually my arrival generates a cruel scowl on Lauren's face, her eyes willing me to go away. I could never understand this; why Lauren would detest me so much. It was a question, however, that had been asked one too many times. I accepted it now as something that just was.

However right now, she was preoccupied in trying to gather Tyler's attention for herself, while he, oblivious to her obvious interest, was busy laughing with Mike about some joke between them.

They both smiled when I sat down, their attention now on _me. _Lauren was displeased.

"Look at those two, chatting away in their little love bubble." Mike was talking about Edward and Jessica.

"That's _not _a love bubble," I disagreed.

Mike looked at me, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. Then he smiled, teeth exposed. He looked at Tyler and shook his head, pretending to be sympathetic about something. I was soon to find out what.

"She's in denial," he said, still shaking his head. I was almost tempted to push the table over as I stood up in furious surprise. I remained seated.

Instead I practically screamed, "What?!"

All three burst out laughing, and my blood boiled to my face. Angela and Ben had even looked away from each other; my sudden outcry disturbed their moment. I was suddenly the centre of attention to over half the cafeteria. Edward only looked at me with amused eyes while Jessica gave me weird ones. They returned to their _bubble_.

"I am not… no way… why would you say that?" I decided defence was not the right option. I tried for offence.

"It's dangerous to just _assume _that two people are interested in each other. You have no proof of that fact. _I_, however, have proof that _nothing _is going between _them_."

Mike frowned. "You say them like it might be somebody else."

Lauren was curious, "Who?"

I knew I was heading into dangerous territory. Was this a secret? Apparently I was the only one who knew what was going on.

"I never said there was anybody else."

Tyler looked crestfallen. "Don't lie. You've already pointed out the right cup, now what's underneath it?" he demanded.

I shook my head. "This is not a parlour trick, Tyler. I should never have said anything."

"Whatever," Lauren dismissed the matter. "We'll find out eventually anyway."

I was pleased to finally drop the subject. Not only did I feel horrible about almost spilling a secret, but it was _Edward's _secret.

Lunch was finally over and as I stood up, Edward's eyes met mine for a very brief moment. There was a smile in his eyes and I suddenly felt guilty and self conscious. Did he know? Was it a big deal if he did? Then a bigger question entered my mind; was this whole… _thing _as big of a deal as I was making it out to be?

I had no answer to that. Yes, it was a big deal, for it hurt my heart not to be noticed, not to be loved by the man I loved.

But it was not a big deal because we were still young. _Let him experience love. Let him have his heart broken. Because eventually he will love me, eventually he'll realise I'm his girl. With his experience, and hopefully my own, our love will be perfect, flawless._

But I didn't want to wait. I loved him and I wanted him all for myself. And, I knew it, there was no point in lying- Edward would never notice me when he can have any girl he wants what with his fantastic looks and all. So why would he choose anyone as plain as myself? I would never be good enough for him. It was foolish to think else wise.

Not a slight shimmer of an answer came in my mind. It was as if there was a strong mist, and I didn't have a light to guide my way through my thoughts. I had no idea which direction to go. What if I led myself to a wrong conclusion?

Still no answer shone. I was lost in my own thoughts. Lost and confused.

And it was love's fault.

"Are you coming?" a voice interrupted me. I spun around to face Mike. He was awfully close; I could feel his warm breath as he breathed.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you coming?" he repeated. "You were late for school this morning. Do you really want to be late for Spanish, too?" He chuckled and I stared at him blankly for a moment. I shook my head, and laughed through a sigh.

"I'm so sorry," I apologised. "I've just been so out of it today."

Mike put his arm around my shoulder and directed me towards our class where we started walking to. I felt terribly uncomfortable with him so close; I wished he would respect my need for some personal space, which, if to be intruded, was reserved only for _him_.

"Hey, it's not a problem," he said.

I was relieved to escape his touch. We reached the class and I hurried to my desk beside Jessica.

"What was that about?" She asked halfway through Spanish when the teacher excused himself for a few minutes to visit the lavatories.

I raised my eyebrows. "What was what about?"

"You and Mike," she said.

"What about us?" I was purposely being slow. I did not want to have this discussion.

Jessica sighed, frustrated. "Bella," she said my name as if what she was saying was impeccably obvious- which it was, though I pretended it wasn't- "he was _totally _all over you! Don't deny it Bella. I saw his arm around you!"

I sighed. How to explain? "Jess, I know what it looked like, but I assure you there is _nothing _going on between us. I was _not _comfortable with it."

Jessica expression was disbelief. "Not at all?" she asked.

"Nothing," I assured her.

"Alright then," was her response. I could tell she was not completely convinced.

------------------------------------------

Finally it was the end of the school day and we were dismissed from class by our tetchy, eye-twitching history teacher, Mr. Nouse.

"Bella," Edward ran up to me from behind. His hand gripped my shoulder, spinning me around. "Bella I am so sorry, but I can't drop you home today. Is there anybody you can get a ride from?"

I nodded my head. "Sure, it won't be a problem. Actually, my truck is still at school."

"Oh right," he chuckled. "I forgot about that."

I frowned. "So did I," I said. "So where do you have to be anyway?"

Edward seemed to hesitate before answering. "My mother is ill. She has a doctor's appointment, and, well you know how she hates going to the doctors."

I nodded my head again. "I understand. Wish her a 'get well' for me. See you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, thanks, I will. See you tomorrow Bells."

It hadn't rained all day, though the clouds were out now. They weren't a dark grey, however, so I believed it was safe to assume it wouldn't rain anytime soon. I wanted to _seize the day_ as was Edward's and my favourite motto, and walk home, though there was still the matter of my truck still being here at school. I decided to drive.

I could hear running water of a shower as I closed the front door behind me. I dropped my bag and jacket in the usual spot by the door, next to my shoes I had slipped off to keep from making a mess on the floor.

I noticed Charlie had made dinner for himself from the mess he had left behind. This provoked the question; _why?_

I made myself comfortable in the living room, just watching the TV but not taking note of what I was watching.

"Ah Bella you're home. I thought I heard the TV." Charlie was walking into the living room with a T-shirt half over his head.

"Hey dad," I greeted him. His head popped through the top of the shirt and I almost laughed at the bad comb-over he had styled his hair in.

I snorted slightly and cleared my throat at an attempt to gain some self control.

"Ah hem, uh, I noticed you made dinner."

Charlie looked at the kitchen and then back to me. "Well, yes. I actually made some for you but…"

I waved a hand in the air. "Say no more. I think I can predict what you're going to say."

"I'm sure you can." He scratched his head in an awkward manner. "Listen, Bells, I uh… I have a dinner with someone tonight. So you'll-," he was cut off as I suddenly sat up and lifted my hand up in the universal 'stop' gesture.

"You mean you have a _date _with someone!" I wore a huge smile, not even trying to hide my amusement at this.

Charlie's face went slightly red. "Well… yes, I guess you can call it that."

I clapped my hands in delight. "Who is it dad?" I knew my enthusiasm was making him slightly nervous.

"Jane Martin."

I frowned. I didn't know who that was.

Charlie must have noticed my blank stare as he added, "She's a nurse at Forks Hospital."

It didn't ring any bells so I just smiled and said, "I don't know who she is but she _must _be a stunner if she can score a date with Charlie Swan!"

Charlie laughed and the tense, awkward atmosphere was once again back to normal. "Alright Bells, before you embarrass me to death I'd better be off."

He was just putting on his jacket when I quickly leapt up off the couch and dug through my bag.

"Here dad, take my truck."

Charlie shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with the cruiser."

But I grabbed his hand and placed the keys in his palm. "Please dad, if not for your sake then for Jane's."

"I don't know what you're talking about but I trust you Bells."

"Whatever dad, just go have a good night."

Charlie smiled and walked out the door. I held it open and watched him walked to my truck.

"Good luck!" I called out before Charlie started the engine. As he backed out of the driveway, I closed the door.

------------------------------------------

Charlie still hadn't arrived back from his date with Jane by the time I had gone to bed. I slept restlessly that night, my blankets getting awkwardly tangled and because I was sweaty my blankets stuck to me, making everything even more uncomfortable.

I awoke several times during the night, for the second time this week, with long breaks between sleep in which I would lie there for what seemed hours. When I finally fell to sleep for the last time, it was suddenly morning.

Strangely enough, I was feeling optimistic. _Thank god it's Friday_. I could have said, _Great, I have to face another day of school before it's finally the weekend._

Edward wasn't at school that day, which worried me. What if his mother is so sick she couldn't cope spending the day alone?

I wanted to go around to Edward's after school but I wasn't sure if I would be welcome. I'll give them space, I decided. Edward will call me if he needs me.

I saw Charlie for the first time since yesterday afternoon when I arrived home.

"Dad," I smiled as I walked over to the teapot on the stove and poured water into it. "How was your night with Jane?"

Charlie rocked his head side to side in an it-could-have-been-worse fashion but then his face lit up with a wide toothy smile.

"I'm seeing her again tomorrow."

"Nice dad!" I was happy for him. "What are you going to do?"

"Fishing."

I gulped. "Uh, dad, are you sure?"

Charlie laughed. "Hey! She brought it up. I never even mentioned how much I love fishing until she said she did it on most weekends."

I was surprised, I don't deny. "Wow dad, looks like you caught a good one."

He laughed at the double meaning.

"So," I started, pouring the now boiling water into two cups. "When do I get to meet her?"

Charlie thought for a moment. "Tomorrow I guess, if you don't mind being woken up early."

"Of course I don't." I dropped two teabags, one into each cup and turned around to face Charlie. "But one question and this one's to make you look good. Should I remember her? I've been caught out on this on several occasions."

Charlie laughed again. "No, I don't think you've ever met her. You're safe for now."

"Good." I turned back to the two cups of tea, now ready for milk. I got some from the fridge and poured it into the two cups. I stirred for a bit and then added the necessary amount of sugar; one teaspoon for Charlie, three for me.

I placed his cup in front of him.

"Thanks Bells," he said and took a sip.

I held onto my cup with both hands, enjoying the warmth it gave. Charlie finished his and took it to the sink.

"Let's go out to dinner tonight," he said suddenly. "You deserve a night off."

"A night off what, dad? You know I enjoy cooking for you."

"No, really I mean it. Let me will you?"

"Fine."  
Charlie kissed me on the forehead, something he didn't do too often. "Thanks."

I wanted to say "you're welcome" but I found myself choking on my words. I decided to go get ready; I might as well look nice for the rare occasion.

I wore a light blue pair of jeans with some dressy white and beige sneakers. On my upper half I had a white polo. I would wear my everyday jacket on top of course. I slipped on a silver, delicate-looking bracelet as a finishing touch. I wore my hair down.

"You look great Bells. I can finally start telling people you're my daughter," he joked as I appeared at the top of the stares.

I replied with, "Ha ha," because I couldn't think of a clever response to that.

Charlie wore his beige pants and unpolished brown shoes. On top he had his dark brown long-sleeve polo and moth-attacked even browner jacket. He helped me into my jacket and then we left for the diner.

It wasn't nearly as awkward as I'd thought it would be, spending the evening with Charlie. We joked about the restaurant's 'fast service' and even had a few laughs from some funny stories Charlie had from work. Overly I had enjoyed the evening and I hoped we would do it again.

When we decide to leave, I insisted to pay for the dinner but Charlie only said, "Don't be ridiculous." He even had the nerve to say, "God, you're difficult to live with."

I realised it had been years since Charlie and I had eaten out. The last time was with Edward and his father on my eleventh birthday party. After that my night-off's were strictly take out.

I remembered that evening well- it was the day Edward had given me a ring. It was an ugly little thing but I loved it- Edward had said he'd found it on the water's edge of the lake while he was stone hunting. He'd told me how he'd mistaken it for an interesting stone and when he realised it was a ring he'd thought of me. He believed it held good luck, so I only wore it on special occasions.

When we got home I did all the usual before-bedtime have-to-dos before bidding Charlie a good night.

It was when I turned off the light that something happened. It was unexpected but welcome, confusing but comforting, relieving but sure to bring much trauma.

It was then that I saw a light- a light giving me direction, hope. It was the light I had been waiting for, the light to guide me through the haze that was my mind.

It was then that I knew what I wanted.

_I want to wait for Edward Anthony Mason. Let him date all the girls in the world. Eventually he'll notice me. Eventually he'll love me. And I will love him, still. Because I will have waited, bottling up all my love just for him. _

_For us._

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I hope you enjoyed that and I hope you can see how this chapter _is _important. I try not to make pointless chapters- they should all have something to do with the bigger picture! 

Please review- I would very much appreciate it!!

Thanks for reading!


	4. Forget the World

Here we go- Chapter 4 is up! Enjoy!

...and review!

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Chapter 4 

**Forget the World**

I was awoken by a gentle nudging in my back. My I'm-half-asleep instincts told me to swipe my hand at it and groan, therefore warning the intruder that they were unwelcome at this disrespectful hour not to come any closer for a few more hours… preferably until midday.

But I knew better so I rolled over to see a grinning Charlie in yellow/green fishing gear. I smiled slightly.

"Morning dad," I said as I yawned.

Charlie didn't say good morning back, he was too excited for that. "She's going to be here soon!"

I nodded and we just stared at each other for a moment. "Alright, alright, this is my que to 'get up', I know." Charlie nodded and left my room to give me some privacy.

I sat up first, stretching out my arms and yawning widely, making my eyes water. I remained seated for another few minutes to stare at nothing until my mind snapped back to reality and I was now awake, or, somewhat conscious at the very least.

I stood up, stumbled, regained my balance and dragged my feet to my wardrobe.

This next task was an exhausting one, especially this early in the morning on a Saturday. I looked at my clock. 8:30.

I could have cried.

I eventually picked out a plain green t-shirt with and some navy blue sports track pants; a lay-around-the-house outfit.

I quickly did my hair and walked down the stairs to the kitchen at the speed of a sloth.

"Ah, Bella, there you are." Charlie smiled and gestured to the lady who must be Jane. "Bella, I would like you to meet Jane."

I smiled politely. "It's nice to meet you Jane."

Jane's returning smile was soft and pleasant. "And you, dear."

Jane was quite slim, for someone in their middle-ages. She had few lines which was surprising considering how tanned her skin was. It was also a wonder as to how she managed that in a place like Forks. I noticed she wore similar colours at to Charlie and I wondered if that was just a coincidence. Jane was also wearing a green hat- like Charlie- over her frizzy dark blonde hair.

Charlie could see by my facial expression that I approved of Jane and he was elated by it. He glanced at his watch and let out a surprised, "Oh!"

He walked over to Jane's side and put his arm on her lower back. "Come on, we'd better move on. We will probably only have until midday when it's supposed to downpour like there's no tomorrow." He looked at me apologetically so I gave him a look which I hoped sent off 'understanding'.

"You two have fun! Hope you bring me back lots of fish!"

Charlie laughed and I just barely heard him say to Jane, "Bella's a great cook you see."

It only just dawned on me then.

Today was Saturday.

Edward was seeing Kristina.

My hands started to shake so I put them under my armpits trying to keep them still. I couldn't control the tears however and I didn't want to. _Let them fall_.

I occupied myself by taking a very long shower, then doing some homework.

There was not much to be done and when I finished all my schoolwork I was suddenly aware of why I had been keeping my mind so distracted. My heart ached then, one painful, pitiful throb, the knowing that it was too late, that Kristina was probably already enjoying those lips of that boy, and that she was in _my _heaven; the only place I wanted to be with the only person I wanted to be with.

I had no idea when Charlie would be back at home. He had said that they would probably only be fishing until the afternoon but he probably won't call it a day there.

The phone rang then and I answered it with the usual, "Bella Swan speaking."

It was Jessica. "Hey Bella!" she was perky.

"What's up Jess?" I asked, leaning against the wall.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to drive down to Port Angeles. Maybe see a movie or something."

"Sure, that would be great." I said; glad to have something to do.

"Awesome, I'll come pick you up in half an hour. Is that ok?"

"That's fine."

"Okay Bella, see you soon."

"Bye." I hung up the receiver.

I had half an hour to get ready. I figured my shirt was okay but I replaced my track-pants with a pair of jeans and those dressy sneakers I had worn the night before.

My wallet held a good eighty, which was plenty. I stuff that in my shoulder bag along with some lip balm and my keys. I didn't have a phone. I didn't even want one.

I heard a loud car horn which informed me that Jessica was here. I snatched my jacket on the way out, locked the door and got in her car.

"What have you been up to this morning?" Jessica asked as she backed out of my driveway.

I shrugged. "Nothing, really," I said, "I just finished my homework. All very boring, which is why I'm so glad you called."

Jessica laughed. "Yeah well I have my cousin over and she's out on a date." She shook her head. "So unfair," she muttered.

"Why is that unfair?" I asked, though I knew perfectly why it was unfair for _me_.

"She doesn't even live here and she's already scored a date with-," she cut herself off, looking at me guiltily.

"Edward." I finished.

"You know?" She was surprised.

"Don't tell him, please."

"So he told you?" She pressed.

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously, Jess." A strange look crossed her face so I added, "We're best friends. We trust each other with everything."

"How long have you known?"

"Since Wednesday."

"What movie would you like to see?" Her sudden change of subject startled me.

"Um," I thought for a moment until I realised I had absolutely no idea what was out these days. "You choose, I don't mind."

She leaned forward to turn on the radio. "You pick a station."

I went through all the stations and stopped on one that played a song I recognised.

Jessica grimaced. "After tonight?"

"Excuse me?"

"That song."

"Oh." I had no idea what the song was called. I just shrugged.

"Tell me what Kristina is like." I said when it was beginning to become an awkward silence. She wasn't surprised that I knew her name too.

Jessica was thoughtful. "I'm so jealous of her," she admitted. "She's so perfect and so beautiful. Every guy she meets falls head over heels for her."

I gulped. Not an answer I wanted. I watched as Jessica reached her arm behind her seat and dug blindly through her bag. She pulled out her wallet and gave it to me.

"I have a picture of her, of us. You'll know which one it is."

She was right, I knew instantly. Kristina was beautiful, drop dead gorgeous. There was no point in lying.

Her perfect long blond hair with its perfect waves, those two striking eyes and full lips; she was perfect, even in her imperfections. She belonged on a runway, having her posed picture taken.

I agreed with Jessica- so unfair.

We arrived at Port Angeles finally and Jessica parked by the movie theatre. We ended up seeing some romantic chick flick. It almost killed me but I didn't want to go through the torture of having choosing a movie we would both enjoy; there wasn't much variety and these sorts of things take too much consideration.

"I hate romantic clichés," growled Jessica when we left the theatre. "It only depresses me."

"Definitely," I agreed. "We'll go watch some war documentary next time. At least it's real enough."

Jessica laughed and rolled her eyes. "_And _she's funny." She muttered.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Jesus Bella, are you completely dense?"

I was taken aback. "What did I do?" Why was she mad?

But Jessica just laughed. "Bella, oh Bella, you are _so _oblivious sometimes."

I cocked my head to the side slightly. "Oblivious to what?" I asked.

"The attention you're always receiving from them! Do you even notice or do you really just think nothing of it?"

"Who are them?" She was completely absurd! What on earth is she trying to get at?

"You can't be serious," she scoffed. "Bella, you are… what's the correct term? Hmm… I supposed it's '_guy magnet'_. You attract guys like some girls would only dream."

This was ridiculous! "You're ridiculous! What you're saying is ridiculous! Can we just talk about something else, please?"

"Fine," she sighed. "But all I'm trying to say is- in a guy's eyes- you have it all. I don't know what it is but there's something about you that only guys can see."

That was slightly insulting but I was too shocked to care, and I really knew she was referring to Mike's interest in me. But what she was saying was rubbish, in the way that she thought I understood it as. And I have complete proof of that.

If it was true then Edward Mason would be my boyfriend.

I immediately found myself regretting that thought as it reminded me of what Edward was doing right now, actually, even worse, what Kristina was _getting_; his love, his attention, his admiration, his touch, his comfort… his lips.

"Is something the matter, Bella?" Jessica was concerned. "Was it something I said?"

Maybe talking to someone would help. Maybe it would take away some of the pressure. I didn't know if Jessica was trustworthy enough though, but if she wasn't then who was? Usually I always had Edward to talk to, but this was _not _something I was willing to share with him.

"No it was nothing you said."

"Bella, what is it? You know you can tell me anything."

Should I? Should I _not_?

"Really, it's nothing," I assured her, deciding I would keep these thoughts to myself.

"If you say so," she mumbled.

She dropped me off at home, wishing me a good weekend and promising to see me on Tuesday at school.

Charlie was still out, in all probability with Jane. There was a note under the front door; a gentle coffee-stained colour envelope. I picked it up, running my fingers over it.

It felt expensive. And it was addressed to me.

My name was sprawled across it in elegant writing, and I knew instantly who it was from.

_Bella,_

_I need to talk to you. It's important._

_Edward_

Without much thought I grabbed my jacket and keys and left the house once again. It was two-thirty five and I arrived at Edward's by two- forty two; a record time for my driving.

"Bella," Edward had obviously heard the loud roar of my truck's engine. "I'm so glad you came."

"You doubted me?"

He smiled but his eyes were sad.

"Come up to my room. We'll talk there."

I followed him into the house and his mother came over from the living room, her hands busy knitting what appeared to be a scarf.

"Bella, dear, how are you?" She asked, still knitting though her eyes remained on me.

"I'm fine thankyou. How do you do yourself?"

"I've been better." Her eyes flashed over to Edward and I may have imagined a small exchange of grief between them.

"Come on," Edward dragged me up to his room. He shut the door.

"Edward, what is the matter?" I asked him as he had leant against the door with his face in his hands.

"Oh, Bella I don't know how to say this."

He seemed to be guilty of something and I immediately felt a fear in my stomach; a throbbing dread that only became more intense by the second. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to apologise for his love to Kristina because he had known all along how I felt about him. And of course now Kristina was his girlfriend; he must feel terrible.

"I'm sick Bella."

I shook my head and stared at him. His words were much unexpected. "What?"

"I said I'm…sick." He seemed to wait for something.

My reaction?

I didn't have a reaction. I couldn't react. I was too shocked. I felt my knees weaken, the muscles in my stomach tighten, my head spin and my mind freeze.

"How…sick?" I struggled to speak finally.

"I don't have long." He said quietly. But he had not answered my question.

"How sick? What do you have?" I was starting to hyperventilate. My hands were shaking again.

"Leukaemia," his voice was barely audible.

"No," I whispered, tears starting to fall. I shook my head, not believing what he was saying. "No, this isn't true. You can't be…"

Edward was by me then, his hands gripping my arms. He was bending over, so that he was my height. His eyes were soft and he was on the verge of crying.

"Please tell me this is some cruel joke," I begged. "Please tell me you're lying. I promise I won't be mad!"

Edward looked at the ground. "I'm so sorry," his voice was a whisper.

I fell to the ground, my knees giving way. Edward dropped to his knees as I fell to hold on to me, to support me. I fell into his chest, weeping. Edward placed his hand on the back of my head, comforting me, holding me closer.

"Shh," he soothed.

"Why," I sobbed, "Why does it have to be you?"

I could feel Edward's sobs, and his tears finally came. I could feel them fall on my neck though I didn't mind. I was finally in the arms of my Edward. Something I had desperately wanted. Too bad it had to be under a situation like this.

I pulled back suddenly and reluctantly pushed myself away from him to stand up.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was concerned. But I just shook my head and backed away.

"I'm so sorry," I apologised in a whisper, over and over again. "So sorry."

"Bella, where are you going?"

I turned around and bolted out of his house to my car. I flung the door open and got inside, my hand struggling to get the key in its slot as my hand shook so badly. Another hand was placed on top of mine, calming me instantly. Edward was there, looking at me with soft eyes. He lowered my hand and placed his other hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of his soft, gentle hands.

My whole body shook and my chest throbbed painfully. Edward's hand moved up and down slowly on my face and for a few minutes we stayed like that, forgetting the world and all its horror it had exposed today.

Gradually Edward finally moved his hand away from my face, but his other hand remained held onto mine. He slowly, without saying a word, helped me out of the car and walked me to the other side. I didn't argue. I remained quiet and got into the passenger's side.

Edward walked back around the car and got into the driver's seat. He started the car and we back out of the driveway.

I didn't know where we were going and I didn't care. It was raining now; heavily. My mind focused on the windscreen wipers swishing back and forth, back and forth. It was so much simpler than what I could have been thinking about.

The car stopped suddenly. I had lost track of time so I was unsure of how long we had been driving.

Edward got out, but I stayed seated. I didn't dare look him in the eyes. I was afraid of what I would see.

But when Edward opened my door and I undid my buckle, our eyes met and all I saw was love. Not the love I had fantasized about, but the love that goes deeper than that. I couldn't even explain it, but I could see it.

He gave me his hand and helped me down the giant step between the truck's floor and the ground.

We still remained silent, neither of us wanting to be the first to speak. He led me down a grassy path, untouched in years you could barely see it, but Edward seemed to know where he was going. Déjà vu came to me though I did not recognise this place. Not yet at least.

We reached an empty space of land, right next to a giant lake. Tree's covered almost every other inch of ground surrounding the small clearing, their lofty branches entwining together above our heads to form one giant canopy. Where there were not trees however, there were many ferns and other grasses and shrubbery. My eyes returned to the centrepiece of the scenery; the lake. I recognised it now. I looked a little further along the lake to see a small dock where Charlie and Edward senior would tie their fishing boat. I followed an unkempt trail from the dock down to the clearing I stood in. I gasped.

"This is where we used to come, you and I and our fathers." I walked to the centre of the clearing and bent down, my hand touching the dirt. "And this is where we would put up our tent." I ran my hands over the surface gently. "Right here," I whispered.

Edward walked up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Do you know why I brought you here?" He asked gently.

"We shared most of our life here. These were our happiest years, or, at least they were for me."

"I remember that night," he ignored what I had said and was staring off in the distance on the lake. "It was the night you first talked in your sleep. You said my name."

My eyes widened slightly. "Is that all?"

"Yes," he smiled. "But it was nice to know that you were dreaming of me. I dreamt of you too, you know. I still do." He kicked a stone on the ground, distracting himself for a moment.

"It was also the next day that I found the ring I gave you. Do you remember that?"

"Yes, I remember. I still have it."

"It holds good luck you know."

"I know."

Edward looked back down at the ground. "I'm scared, Bells. I won't lie about it."

I reached out for his hand and took it. "I know," I whispered.

He looked back at me. "Tell me why you ran before."

I hesitated, and shifted slightly from foot to foot before speaking. "Because I was afraid too," I admitted, ashamed. I felt I needed to explain more though. "I was just so… the very idea of losing you… it terrifies me. I couldn't handle it. I just wanted to wish it away."

"I wish that too." What he said saddened me, right to my heart.

I reached for him hand and pointed to the sky above us with my other.

"Would you like me to wish upon a star?" I asked.

Edward nodded and smiled. "I would appreciate that."

"Come on," I said. "We can wish together."

We lay down on the spot where we would place our tent and just lay there, staring up at the stars. Edward's arms were folded back around his head so that his hands created a sort of pillow. I lay my head on his chest, feeling it rise and lower with his steady breathing.

I don't know how long we lay there, but I wished with all my heart, to all the stars in the universe that Edward would not cease his existence ever. I wanted this moment to last forever; Edward and I alone, staring up at the stars, forgetting the world and just remembering each other.

Yes, forever would do me just fine.

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I awoke to a stirring Edward, his awakening movements waking me up. I groaned and stretched out, making Edward laugh.

"Ah!" he groaned. "You're tickling me!"

"Sorry," I mumbled, pushing myself up onto one elbow. I scratched my head and looked around me to notice it was still dark. "What time is it?" I asked.

Edward rolled over to pull out his phone that was being crushed between his thigh and the ground. He flipped it open and glanced at it before snapping it shut and putting it back in his pocket.

"It's five in the morning."

"Five in the morning?" I cried. "How did we manage that?"

"Manage what? Falling asleep or waking up at five AM?"

"Both!"

Edward just shrugged and we laughed together, the sound natural and free. As if nothing was wrong. As if Edward wasn't dying.

"So, Bella, what would you like to do?" Edward asked, tucking a loose piece of hair gently behind my ear. I bit the inside of my cheek, thinking.

"I don't know," I finally said.

"I think I have an idea," Edward said, a hint of wickedness in his eye. He stood up and then pulled me up.

I straightened my shirt out while he took off his jumper and then looked at him, placing my hands on my hips.

"Oh yeah," I started. "And what idea would that-," I never got to finish as Edward lifted me up and flung me over his shoulder. I cried out in surprise and demanded him to put me down, not able to keep my tone serious; I was laughing like a lunatic.

It was not until Edward started running _into _the lake that I started panicking.

"Edward, no!" I begged and cried, thrashed and wiggled. "No, no, please, no, IT'S COLD!" I screamed as Edward and I were now soaking wet. He placed me down and I danced up and around, my arms flailing widely in the air, water splashing everywhere.

"Edward Mason, you are _so _going to pay for this!"

Edward laughed but I jumped on him and we both went under the water. We were holding our arms around each other, holding each other close, under the water.

We seemed to drift into slightly deeper water but I didn't mind because, all of a sudden, Edward's lips met mine and we kissed. Passionately, and eagerly, his lips were crushed against mine. It was not until I realised I needed air did we break apart and rush to surface which was about a hand span above my head. I welcomed the rush of air into my lungs.

Suddenly Edward's hand spun me around and I found my lips on his again in another hungry kiss. I parted my lips, ready for more but Edward pulled back, his eyes closed.

"It's cold," I complained, only just realising I was going numb.

Edward's eyes opened and he smiled with concern. "We'd better get you out of the water then, before you catch a cold." He noticed I was treading the water and he frowned. "Get on my back," he instructed and I did so. His long legs could touch the bottom and he walked slowly through the water to the clearing.

When we were on dry land again he quickly grabbed his jumper and gave it to me as I was shivering violently.

"Thankyou, but I think you need it more." I said through chattering teeth. But he just smiled and shoved it at me.

I understood why he wouldn't wear it and it saddened me. It was almost as if he was giving up; that he was telling himself it didn't matter what he did to his health now- it was already too damaged. He was going to die anyway.

Edward pulled me into him, his arm around me, rubbing up and down my arm trying to warm me with friction. He kissed the top of my head and led me back up the small path to my truck.

As soon as we were in, he turned on the engine and heater which at first only blew out cold hair so he kept it on low till the engine warmed up.

We drove back to Edward's in silence, though it wasn't an awkward one. I was too busy rerunning over the events since last night and this morning. Had that really happened? Had I really kissed Edward Mason?

_Twice._

I stole a glance at Edward's face and he was in deep thought, probably thinking similar thoughts to my own.

Something wasn't right though, and it hit me then. _Why did he kiss me now?_

Why didn't he ever kiss me before? Maybe it was the realisation of the nearing end to his life that made him realise who were the people that meant the most to him. Maybe he did like me, but was unsure of how I would react and he only used Kristina as a distraction, so which his intentions were for the protection of our dear friendship. And as he learns that he doesn't have long to live, he wants to take what he can get and he realises he shouldn't have wasted time on distractions. He realises he left it too late.

The two words torture me and I wonder how they must affect Edward.

_Too late._

I shivered, shooing the blasphemed words away.

Edward parked my truck on the street as his driveway was already full.

It was now six fifteen, my truck's clock read, which meant Edward's parents would still be fast asleep; they weren't morning people.

We tip toed up to Edward's room where he got out a baggy T-shirt and sweat pants for me. I changed into them, though they were _huge _on me, however grateful for the dry warmth; my trucks heater hadn't been very effective.

We sat around for a bit then, just talking about random things of no importance to anything. We avoided any future talk, even such trivial things like movies coming into the cinema.

Mostly we stuck to the past as it, much to my horror to say, was the only thing Edward could really count on- although some things in the past had to be avoided too, like soccer. Edward was mad for soccer and it was usually one of his favourite topics; he had always dreamed of playing major league.

While we sat there, in his room, I tried to take note of his facial expressions, for example the way one eyebrow would raise when he found something strange but amusing. Anything I could commit to memory of Edward.

Eventually we found ourselves in silence again, as if we had both run out of things to say.

Though I knew that wasn't the case.

I knew what was really going on.

Edward knew it too, and he leaned in slightly, his lips colliding with mine.

_And for the third time that day, my dream came true. Almost._

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If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden

That's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads.

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[Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol

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I hope you all enjoyed (or maybe that's the wrong word...I'm sure you all get what I mean!) that chapter and I'll try and post the next one soon! 

Please please review! Especially after how long it took me to write this chapter!!! Hours!

I didn't want to over do it so I had to keep changing it over and over. I hope it came out alright. Review!

Oh and sorry about the song at the end... I just felt it was appropriate because it got me in the right mood to write a chapter like this one.


	5. Suspicions

I would just like to inform all of my wonderful readers that I am going away for three weeks on the 2nd of August.

I am not sure if I will get another chapter in before that but it's always a possibility.

I hope you enjoy this chapter!!! and I _will _try to get another chapter in before I go away.

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Chapter 5 

**Suspicions **

My mind was still racing from the two days with Edward right up until this moment. It had hurt to leave him, when it was time to come home. I felt it saddened him too, that he didn't want to part just yet either.

There was no time for parting- the end was too near.

When I walked into the kitchen, Charlie and Jane sat at the table, drinking cups of tea. Charlie looked up at me, his face showing much sympathy. Jane's eyes were soft and understanding.

So they had heard.

"Bells," he started but I held up a hand to stop him.

"Not now dad," I said quietly and then turned to Jane. "Hello Jane, how are you?"

Jane looked quickly back at my father and just as quickly back to me. Obviously they had planned out how they were going to handle me and my very fragile emotions, and I had ruined that by giving them what they didn't expect.

Her mouth opened and closed a little bit, sort of like a fish, before she spoke. "I'm fine thankyou," she said rather awkwardly. However, she didn't return the question and for that I was grateful. We all knew what the answer was anyway.

I nodded and smiled slightly. "Well," I said. "If you don't mind I think I'll just go to my room for a while."  
They both just nodded, their faces blank from confusion. Charlie was the one to finally speak up.

"Alright Bells, goodnight."

"See you in the morning dad," I said and jogged up the stairs to my room.

Once I was inside my room, however, I was a completely different person. My whole system was taken over by rage and despair.

_Why my Edward? Why him? He did nothing to deserve this fate! Nothing!_

I threw myself onto my bed, screaming into my pillow, the sound muffled by it so Charlie would not hear.

_Take me instead! Just let him live! Please…_

I begged to whoever was listening, I begged someone would hear me and just make everything better.

But of course no one was listening. No one would make things better.

Things are just going to get worse. It could have been written in stone for all it was worth, because it was destined to happen. There was nothing anyone could do.

I cried again, and I knew there were more tears to come in some very near future.

So many tears for Edward, and not one of them did a damn thing. I lay there, on my bed, still like a statue, for hours just imagining a hundred different ways Edward could announce his phenomenal recovery and how we would share these new healthy moments of his. We would be inseparable after that of course. At school we might even earn the title "_The IT couple"_ meaning we were bound to last a while. Of course they would underestimate our love for each other and so we would last forever. In life and death, we will never part.

Always and forever, we would be together.

There was a soft knocking at my door but I ignored it. Five minutes later it came again.

"Go away!" I sobbed, dropping my head back into my pillow.

The door opened anyway and Charlie poked his head through. He saw me lying on my bed, my hair a tangled mess, and, when I looked up, my face blotchy from crying.

He walked slowly, as if I would bite any second, and sat down beside me.

He didn't say anything to my surprise. He just looked out my window.

I realised he was here mostly for company. He didn't have anything to say; who did? It was not exactly the sort of situation that could be made better by a few comforting words.

I sat up next to Charlie, and looked out the window too at the rain cascading from the heavy grey clouds.

I welcomed the rain. It was as if the world was agreeing with the injustice of Edward's cancer, that it wished things weren't this way either. It made me feel slightly less alone, but it only confirmed the fact that Edward was beyond any cure.

I looked at Charlie to find his face expressionless; He did not cry and he didn't need to; his eyes said it all.

"Where's Jane?" I asked in a whisper.

Charlie looked at me. "She felt it best that she went home."

I nodded and continued to stare at him for a while. Charlie's eyes were fixed back at the window.

"Oh dad," I cried and flung my arms around him. Charlie was surprised but understanding. He too wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him, rocking me back and forth slightly only murmuring words of comfort though nothing like "it'll be ok" or "don't worry". Charlie was an honest man and if he had said those things we both knew he would be telling lies.

It also came to me then that this closeness between Charlie and me; one of our first true father- daughter moments, had to be because of this. It was as if Edward's illness was bringing everyone closer. I didn't know if that was a good thing.

I fell asleep on Charlie and when I woke up, it was morning. It was Monday and there was no school today. I couldn't remember why, and I honestly couldn't care.

I could smell bacon from the kitchen and I rushed down the stairs to see what it was all about.

Charlie was making egg and bacon on toast. He was whistling some made up tune and wiggling his butt slightly in a way that just makes you cringe in a sort of fork-out-my-eyes-now fashion. Was he trying to dance?

I cleared my throat making Charlie jump. "Ah Bells you're up!" he was bright red and I giggled.

"Morning dad," I said, sitting down at the table. I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's the occasion?"

But Charlie just shrugged. "Does there need to be one? Can't I just cook for my own daughter now and then?"

Charlie had not cooked for me since I decided to take over position of 'house cook' many years ago.

Anyway, I knew why he was cooking. And I didn't want to talk about it so I just accepted the excuse and enjoyed the smell of cooking bacon.

The phone rang then and Charlie looked at me, his eyes pleading. "Bells, will you get that please, honey?"

I bounced up off my chair and answered the phone.

"Bella Swan," I said as usual.

"Bella!" It was Jess. "You wouldn't happen to have seen Edward anytime since yesterday, would you?" She sounded angry and worried. Was it possible she knew? If she knew then everyone knew.

"Well yes I went around yesterday after you dropped me off."

"And you didn't think he would be on his date with Kristina did you?"

Kristina… Oh! Kristina. How could I have been so stupid?! But… Edward kissed me yesterday. He kissed me.

Did that mean he had rejected Kristina after all?

"Well, no because-," Jessica cut me off, her voice dripping with blame.

"Of course you didn't because right now I have a very _upset _and _stood up_ cousin with me!"

So Edward didn't even go see her at all? I felt slightly cheered by that fact.

But I couldn't ignore Jess's rage; this wasn't my fault.

"Jess, calm down; Edward called me to come over."

She didn't relax though. "Oh, so he called _you _over. He didn't happen to _mention _what he did all day?"

"No, he didn't say anything. But he does have a reason, Jess." I knew I couldn't tell Edward's secret as it was now evident that she _didn't _know.

"What reason would that be? Kristina has never been stood up before, Bella; especially after travelling across a couple of states to see a certain person. So it had better of been a Damn. Good. Reason!" Her tone was cruel and it was unfair of her to take it out on me.

But it would be the last thing I wanted for her to take it out on Edward. Not now.

"I really can't say Jess, but hold your breath because you'll find out. Please don't be mad at Edward."

"I'm not holding my breath for him- not after what he did to Kristina."

I bit my lip and I could feel Charlie's eyes burning into my back, wondering what was going on.

"Please Jess," I begged. "Please don't make a big deal out of this. Tell Kristina it wasn't her, he didn't stand her up. There's nothing wrong with Kristina."

Jessica was intractable and she pushed on. "Of course it's not Kristina!" she spat. "Kristina hasn't done anything. You can tell Edward though, you can tell him that-," she paused for a moment and changed her mind. "Never mind, I'll tell him _myself_."

No! My mind cried out. I had to protect Edward. He didn't deserve this; not these accusations that Jessica had in store for him. I had to warn him. He didn't need to be punished for being sick and I didn't want him to be forced to tell Jessica his reasons. I would _not _tolerate that.

"Fine, Jess. You do that. You'll regret it, believe me. Take my advice and leave him be, it's for the best." I tried for a last warning. She ignored me and gave a rather harsh goodbye. I hung up the phone only to pick it up again and dial in Edward's number.

"Elizabeth Mason here," a gentle motherly voice answered.

"Mrs. Mason, hi, it's Bella. Is Edward there?"

"Yes he is. I'll just go get him for you dear." I waited but Mrs. Mason wasn't finished. "Oh and dear," she spoke quietly. "I'm truly sorry for what you had to go through yesterday."

I sighed. "You don't need to apologise. It's not your fault."

"I understand, dear. Here's Edward."

There was a shuffling of the phone and finally Edward said "Hello," through a mouthful of crunching.

"Edward, what are you eating?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"Pretzels," he was still speaking through that mouthful.

"Right well hurry up and swallow. You need to hear this."

I heard him swallow. "What is it Bells?"

I took a quick breath, preparing myself. "Jessica called me a couple of minutes ago."

I could almost feel him tense, even though I couldn't see him.

"And?" he asked warily.

"I just want to warn you, ok? She called about…Kristina."

He groaned, and I regretted having to hear this… this pain. He already had enough to be concerned about.

"Ah, I understand why you're calling Bells and I appreciate it. Jess is going to call isn't she?"

"Don't pick up," I warned.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman that's been stood up."

"I know why you did it. The problem is Jess doesn't. Are you going to tell her?"

"I'm not going to pick up." He reminded me simply.

"Right," I said. "Edward, can I ask you something?" My voice was softer now.

I could hear the toast pop from the toaster. I tried to ignore the activity going on behind me and more so the fact that Charlie was probably putting complete effort into trying to grasp what I was talking about.

"Anything, Bells. You know that."

"I guess," I bit my lip. How to ask? "I was just wondering… if, well…if you lied to me last week; about your mother being sick." I don't know why I asked. I didn't even think about it until just then. Maybe it was because it was the most recent time I had heard him speak of a doctor.

Edward didn't say anything for a few seconds and I thought he wasn't going to answer. I was just about to tell him to ignore the question if he didn't like it when he spoke.

"I lied," his voice was sad. "I'm sorry I did but I felt it was for the best. In case our suspicions were…wrong."

"Suspicions?" I knew this wasn't the best place to talk about this with Charlie so close and all. "Don't answer that Edward. Not now. Let's talk in person, later."

Edward understood. "Charlie?" he guessed.

"That's right."

"Call me when you want to talk."

"I will," I promised before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Charlie was sitting at the table. "About time Bells, sheesh those conversations seemed intense," he put a mouthful of egg and bacon in his mouth, chewed quickly and swallowed. "Are you going to tell me what it was all about?"

I hesitated. "Edward had a date with this girl yesterday. Or he _did_, but he couldn't go because..." I let the sentence hang, confident that Charlie wouldn't need me to finish it.

He nodded sadly.

"That's why I called Edward after the first phone call. He doesn't need any blame right now."

Charlie nodded again. "You're a good person, Bells; very considerate."

I just smiled and ate my egg and bacon in silence. It was delicious, I couldn't deny. I told him so when I was done and I took both our plates to wash them in the sink.

After that I called Edward. He was the one to answer this time.

We had decided to meet down the street from his house, at the park. I was surprised when Edward mentioned he was bringing his soccer ball. I was also scared.

I was not co-ordinated.

I couldn't see Edward when I arrived. My eyes scanned the park quickly but there was still no sight of him.

I started walking towards the hill on the edge of Park, directly across from me. A huge tree resided atop the small hall, its many branches and leaves creating useful shelter from the rain.

I leant against the huge trunk of the tree, bringing my knees up to my chest in a futile attempt for warmth against the biting wind and ice-cold raindrops.

I almost jumped out of skin in surprise when Edward suddenly sat down beside me. My breath came out in large gasps and I gave him a scolding look, unable to speak. He burst out laughing.

"Sorry, Bells. I couldn't help it."

I smiled at him, telling him he was forgiven. He moved closer to me and cuddled against me, sharing his body warmth.

"How did I manage to get here before you?" I asked, leaning my head on his shoulder.

Edward chuckled. "You didn't, I just watched you."

I lifted my head up to look at him, my eyebrows pulled together, confused. "From where?" I asked.

Edward pointed to the bushes bordering the park.

"Oh." Was my response.

I didn't look at him as I spoke, as I brought up the ghastly topic. "You were saying about your suspicions. Suspicions to what?"

"I haven't been well lately. In fact there's always been _something _wrong with me. But my mother was getting worried with the frequent headaches, weight loss and I've been experiencing fevers and chills. My mother looked it up on the internet." He looked down at the ground. "I told her it was probably just the flu, nothing serious. I told her she was overreacting. Though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, that I didn't believe her at all. She immediately booked an appointment at the hospital the next day.

"I had some tests taken and that's why I wasn't at school on Friday. They gave me the results…" his voiced trailed off and an eerie silence was all that remained.

"You could have talked to me," I whispered, looking at the ground.

"I should have. You deserved to know."

"Then why didn't you?"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds; he only stared at the ground. Eventually he whispered, so quietly I almost didn't hear him, "I don't know."

I touched his face with my hand, lifting his chin up so that he was forced to look me in the eyes.

"I love you," I said never taking my eyes away from his.

The ends of his mouth lifted slightly, and a small, beautiful smile was formed.

"I love you too," he whispered and I leaned forward to kiss him again.

But he turned his head away, his eyes closed. "No," he said softly.

I stared at him, stunned. Then slowly the pain came and I could feel the hurt showing in my facial expression.

"I'm sorry Bella," he started but I shook my head, telling him to stop.

"You don't need to say anything."

"Yes I do, Bella." He was struggling to find the words. "Let me explain, please."

He clasped both my hands in between his, his eyes pleading for my approval. I nodded, closing my eyes.

He hesitated on his words, his eyes watching my hands as he gently massaged them with his thumbs.

"There are so many things I want to do in the world, Bella. Places to visit, people to meet, goals to reach," he looked at his soccer ball beside him and smiled sadly.

"And now that it's too late to do most of those things…all of those things… it makes me realise what I could have had, even at this age.

"I've always loved you Bella, and I've always wanted you. I wish I could be with you now. I _want _to be with you now. And I could have been with you before if I had… If I had known you shared these feelings."

"You can still be with me," I whispered but Edward shook his head.

"I can't do that. I can't do that to you."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Do what to me Edward? I've always loved you too, Edward! You can't imagine…" I shook my head. "I need you Edward. I want you in my life."

"But I can't be in your life!" He snapped and I flinched. "Don't you get it? I'm dying Bella! If we were to start now, if you were to become closer to me… it will just make everything worse for you at the end."

I looked back at our hands. "But I love you."

"I know. Oh god I know. I wish things could be different. I wish I could be with you forever."

"I wish the same," I whispered morbidly.

"I'm just not ready," he took his hand away from mine and put his head in both his hands.

"Nobody is."

"It's just so surreal. I feel like I have my whole life ahead of me; a long life full of unknowns and surprises. It's not right to know when and how it's going to end. It's not right to know your future. Not like this."

"It's not really the end." I said, mostly to myself. "No, I don't believe it finishes there."

"What are you saying?"

I shook my head, unsure myself. "I think I'm saying that we'll see each other again. That our time here on earth is not the end of our time."

To my surprise Edward laughed; a _real _laugh.

"Edward Mason, _what _is so funny?"

"Everything," he said between fits of laughter.

"I don't understand you."

He chuckled. "Don't worry. If you're right it looks like you'll have _plenty _of time to get to know me."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "I was _really _referring to catching up with my dead fish. I still have to apologise for starving them to death."

He laughed again and stood up, his soccer ball under his arm.

"Come on, let's go kick some goals."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

He stared at me and shook his head. "You'll be fine. I'll protect you." He smiled a giant goofy smile.

I scowled and stood up too, shoving past him. "I'll show you," I grumbled.

"Ah that's the spirit!"

"Shut up."

------------------------------------------

We didn't play for very long. Edward didn't have the energy to. He tired quickly and soon had to rest. It depressed me to see this boy, who usually was so full of life and energy, exhaust out so rapidly.

I ended up driving him back to his house, even though it was just down the street. He gave me a quick smile and got out of my truck. I was just about to back out of the driveway when he appeared by my window, and tapped lightly on it.

"By the way, Bella," he said. "Thanks for everything." And then he went inside.

I went straight home, though I had considered against it. I knew how much I needed to be alone, but it was that very thing that frightened me as it was eventually going to happen for real. Once Edward was gone I would be alone.

I felt selfish for thinking only of myself so much. Though I also felt that I would suffer from this more than Edward; at least he would feel nothing after. I still had to live with it.

If the pain was bad now, I feared for what it could reach.

There was no cruiser in the drive way. Charlie was out. I was alone anyway.

_Oh well,_ I thought. _Better start getting used to it._

I tried to imagine, as much as it tortured me, what life would be like without Edward. Who would I turn to when I was in need of someone the most? Who could offer me that sense of purpose? Edward always made me feel like I was important, that in this microcosm of the world I made a difference. The way he said it made it sound as if my existence was crucial in order for others' lives to run smoothly, for their happiness.

But we all knew those qualities really ran through Edward. Who knew how this town would come crashing down without his presence. Not physically, though it could possibly reach that after the loss affected us mentally.

First those closest will suffer.

Then those closest to the closest will suffer through their suffering.

Then the closest to the closest of the closest will undergo this suffering; an endless knot of it.

Terrible consequences would come from fate's decision.

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I hope you enjoyed that chapter!!! I really do! 

Please review if you liked it!! and if you really really want that chapter before I go away...


	6. Nearing An End

Because I got so many reviews I just felt I HAD to update!!! It's now _very _early in the morning as I am writing this so i hope the chapter is worth these hours.

I'm going to be pretty busy the next few days getting ready for my holiday but a healthy dose of reviews may just force me to write another chapter. Nothing motivates me more than reviews!

Anyway I hope you like this chapter!!

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Chapter 6

**Nearing An End**

Two weeks passed by. By now the whole of Forks was aware of Edward's illness and his front door step was in days surrounded by bundles and bundles of flowers.

It was becoming more noticeable every time I saw Edward that he was fading away. He was weak and almost frail looking, his eyes had large bags under them and his skin was unusually pale, almost yellow.

I visited him every day after he had stopped coming to school. Though Edward stayed at home, everyone knew he was soon to be hospitalised. Oh how it killed me that Edward would spend his last days in a hospital bed.

I wore the ring he'd given me on my eleventh birthday everyday now. But of course it was pointless. There was no good luck that could come out of this situation.

Sure enough, that day as I was sitting in the kitchen, fiddling with the ring between my fingers, the phone rang.

It was Edward senior asking to speak with Charlie. He did not sound happy.

"Bella, I'm afraid I have some bad news," Charlie told me when he had hung up.

I stared at him, silent, fearful for the worst. _Not now. Please not now._

"Edward's in the hospital. His condition is apparently much worse; he fainted today and suffered a rather bad knock to the head."

Not good news, actually it was terrible news, but not the worst. I could have sighed with relief had it not been for the fact that this was only the finishing link to the chain of his life's end.

"There is some good news though, if there is such a thing," Charlie told me. "Apparently he's been appointed to the best doctor in the hospital. You might have heard of him. His name's Dr. Cullen."

Ah, Dr. Cullen. Yes, he had a popular reputation as a doctor- and his children had all graduated at Forks the previous year; a rather peculiar crowd though they had left their mark in the teacher's minds with their apparent brilliancy- but I don't see how it mattered now. No doctor could help Edward.

"That's great dad. But why? I mean, it's not like he can be… helped." I struggled to say that last bit.

"I know but, actually, Dr. Cullen _asked _for the position. I believe Dr. Cullen must take a liking in Edward."

"How interesting and… fortunate I guess." I stood up. "Am I allowed to go see him?"

Charlie shook his head and I sat back down. "Give him time. You can go see him tomorrow."

I sighed, impatient. "Fine," I said now unsure as to how I should spend the rest of the day. I glanced at the clock. It was 4:07 PM.

"I still can't believe this is happening," I whispered. Charlie looked at me sympathetically.

"I know, honey. I know."

I continued to fiddle with my lucky ring. It was a rusted silver colour- not actual silver of course- with a red blob in the middle. I wasn't sure what the red was made from but it was smooth and round. The band of the ring twisted around in interesting ways and each little twisting string had some pattern on it. It was surprisingly complex for a thing that looked as if it was brought from the two dollar shop.

I slipped it back onto my finger.

"Jane's coming around in an hour or so. Is that okay with you?"

I looked at Charlie, surprised. "Of course it is dad. You don't need my permission."

Charlie sighed. "I know. I just feel that… well that I should."

I laughed. "Who's the parent here?"

"Thanks for reminding me. You're grounded."

"Very funny dad. I always wondered why you never became a comedian."

"I get stage fright."

I laughed, realising it was something I hadn't done in a while. I stood up. "I'm going to go clean something."

Charlie was concerned. "You've been doing that a lot lately."

It was true. Because I found cleaning took my mind off everything that bothered me- mostly Edward's cancer- and my mind was working endless rounds on doing so, cleaning had become sort of obsessive to me. Not quite so, as I didn't stress when I saw a dirt mark and I was completely fine with creases in my quilt. But it was obsessive in the way that I was obsessed with not thinking about… _things_.

Like Edward-_cringe_-dying.

Of course, I didn't want to forget about it and, let's face it, I could never _forget _it. No, though my mind may be distracted, that awkward tense in my stomach was not. It was always there, reminding me to be distressed by something. And so, with my mind and stomach constantly attacking me, I did what I could to lessen it as much as I could.

And so I cleaned.

Ah wonderful! My mind was sarcastically pleased. Somebody was kind enough to leave crap marks in the toilet. Such an unpleasant task was sure to keep my mind off Edward.

"Bella! Jessica is here!" My father called from downstairs. I sighed and took off my pink rubber gloves. I had just finished cleaning the shower.

Jessica was standing at the front door, talking to Charlie about something. She smiled shyly when she saw me. Charlie gave me a look before he left us to some privacy.

"Hi Jess," I said.

"Hey Bella."

"Do you want to go up to my room? We can talk there."

"Sure," she agreed, chewing on the inside of her cheek nervously.

We were up in my room and I shut the door behind me.

Jessica sat down on my bed.

"Um, Bella, I wanted to… I wanted to apologise."

I had been expecting this since she had first found out about Edward's cancer. Though she had really chosen to delay for some reason. I wonder, why?

"I'm just glad I never reached him… which I assume is because you warned him?"

"Yes," I said. "You understand why of course."

"I do. Oh but Bella! I feel so terrible about it. If I had known… If I had had any idea… I-," But I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

"I know Jess, you don't need to apologise."

"Thanks for being so understanding Bella."

I nodded, and, for her sake, I smiled slightly.

"Right now the most important thing to do is be there for Edward."

"Kristina forgives him."

This was unexpected and I flinched slightly, though not noticeably.

"I should expect she would." I said dryly.

Jessica nodded. "She said she knew deep down Edward would have had a real reason. She said she could see it in his eyes the first time she met him that he was too decent to leave a girl waiting on purpose."

"Which is why she reacted the way she did."

But Jessica shook her head. "She actually told me to not make such a fuss over it but I was just so… so _mad_. I'm getting the _I told you so_ treatment now."

I smiled at Jess. After seeing her way of things, I may have had a similar reaction myself if someone I cared for deeply was hurt. Now that she was wrong, she regretted it.

Which is a good thing as it shows she is a good person.

"So how is Edward doing?" Jessica asked, her eyebrows pulling together in concern.

"He had to go to hospital today."

Jessica's face fell. "Oh no…" she said softly.

My mouth tightened in a line and I nodded stiffly, agreeing with her.

"It's just all so sudden. It seems like yesterday he was at the beach with us… he seemed so healthy then."

I closed my eyes, taking a shaky breath. "I think he's been unwell for a while, even though he didn't know it, he felt it's symptoms. He just hid it well."

He had said so himself; _"I haven't been well. In fact there's always been __**something**__ wrong with me."_

Jessica just nodded and we both remained silent for a few minutes. I knew without asking that she was thinking about Edward too. Neither of us could imagine life without him.

Jessica spoke then as she slowly stood up.

"I, uh, I have to go Bella. I'm sorry… for the way things are."

"I appreciate it Jess, but you have no need to apologise."

Jessica just nodded, biting her lower lip. She smiled at me, a sad smile, before she walked out of my room.

I took her place on my bed. I closed my eyes and fell backwards, so that I was lying down, my legs dangling off the edge.

Why did it feel like life was just some horrible dream right now? A nightmare that puts all other nightmares to shame.

And why couldn't I wake up?

------------------------------------------

I arrived at the hospital, empty handed after school that day. I didn't carry any flowers with me as most people did; I didn't feel flowers were necessary.

The hospital was all white; white roof, white tiled floors, white walls, white staff, and even white blankets.

I wondered why this was. What kind of atmosphere was it supposed to set?

Death? Health? Healing? _Surrender?_

Or possibly just a clean one.

Edward was glad to see me. The smile on his face warmed me, and I immediately rushed to his side. He had a large bruise on the side of his face, I noticed.

His parents glided out of the room quietly, but I wasn't paying any attention to what they were doing.

I knelt down by his bed and looked at him with all my love. I gently moved his hair out of his eyes.

"You're not bald," I commented, chuckling.

Edward smiled. "Thank god. Carlisle said I was lucky."

"Carlisle?" I asked.

"Dr. Cullen," Edward told me.

"Oh. We on first name basis here are we?"

Edward laughed, but it was weak. _He _was weak, fragile. "Carlisle is very nice. I really like him. He says he sees something in me."

That made me frown. Shouldn't someone as professional as Dr. Cullen know better than to say such things to dying patients? It was like giving them false hope…

Or saying to them, "It's a miracle, but we believe we've found a cure!" and then saying "Oh wait… wrong patient. Terribly sorry."

Just. Cruel.

"You don't think it's a good thing for him to say," Edward frowned too.

I stared at him. He had always been good at reading people. He could usually always guess what was going through my mind.

"I just feel he shouldn't be giving you any sort of false hope."

"I'm not hoping for anything, Bella. And Carlisle isn't like that. But there is something about him…"

"That makes you think he could do something," I finished off for him. "Edward, that _is _false hope. Anything that makes you think something can be done. Edward, nothing can be done."

It was cruel of me to say but it was the truth. Edward needed to understand that.

"Bella I know that nothing can be done, believe me I know."

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't want to say it but…"

"I understand why you did."

I took hold of his hand. "I missed you. It kills me to be apart from you."

Edward's smile was sad. "I missed you too."

"Ah, you must be Bella Swan," a very- oh my- handsome doctor walked in then. I recognised him instantly.

"Dr. Cullen I presume," I stood up to shake his hand. His smile almost had me out. I noticed his hand was _cold_. Unnaturally so.

"Edward's talked a lot about you," he said. "A lot of good things." He winked at me and I suddenly felt dizzy.

"R-really?" I looked at Edward, swaying slightly. Edward grinned, obviously unsurprised by Dr. Cullen's affect on me.

They both laughed and I felt myself blush.

"How are you feeling Edward?" Dr. Cullen turned his attention back to the patient.

"The same," Edward replied as Dr. Cullen examined over him.

"You appear the same," he confirmed.

He walked back towards the door but stopped and turned around to say goodbye. "You two enjoy each other's company. Edward, I'll be back later." And then he was gone.

I was stunned by his gracefulness, his smooth stride and his abnormally good looks.

_He should model. Honestly._

"So what do you think?" Edward asked.

I turned to him and smiled. "You two will make a great couple." Edward laughed and I re-answered his question. "No, really I like him. And I'm glad you have _him _as your doctor."

"Don't crush over him Bells." Edward teased.

"Why shouldn't I? He winked at me! Obviously that's got to count for something. What's the matter? _Jealous_?"

We continued on like that for another hour or so before we started settling down. Edward yawned, exhausted. I watched him sleep from the visitor's chair, until I fell asleep too. I didn't realise I was so tired.

My dreams were peaceful; I could only hope Edward's were too.

------------------------------------------

"Bella, Bella honey, wake up," a whispering voice and a prodding hand woke me. It was Elizabeth, Edward's mother.

"Wha- what time is it? Where am I?"

"It's late. You're at the hospital."

"I am? Oh, I am. Is Edward awake?"

Mrs. Mason smiled warmly at me but shook her head. "No, he's still asleep. Charlie called, he wants you home. You have school tomorrow."

I groaned, but quietly as so I wouldn't wake Edward. "Can't I stay here tomorrow with Edward?"

"Sorry, dear but no. I really do appreciate you being here so readily for Edward though. He appreciates it too."

"That's alright Mrs. Mason." I slowly got up. "Tell him I'll see him tomorrow." I hesitated. "If that's alright with you," I added.

Mrs. Mason smiled. "Of course it is. You give Edward something to look forward to. He'll love that."

"Okay well see you tomorrow Mrs. Mason." I looked at the sleeping Edward. "See you tomorrow Edward," I whispered. He stirred.

I got in my truck, which was freezing cold might I add, and drove back home.

Charlie was waiting for me.

"Ah good you came home. I was worried you might have rebelled."

"I tried," I said honestly.

"Oh. Well the good thing is it didn't come to anything. You should go to bed. How was your visit with Edward?"

"What would you like first; me to go to bed or tell you about my visit?"

"You know what I meant."

I sighed. "He's doing…good. His doctor is very nice. I met him. I'm glad Edward has him."

Charlie nodded, agreeing. "Yes, Edward is fortunate to have him. He is in good hands."

I nodded. "Alright dad, well I'm going to bed."

"Okay honey, I'll probably see you after school tomorrow."

"I'm going straight to the hospital," I told him.

"After that then," he agreed. "Goodnight Bells."

"Goodnight."

I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. And then, almost as quickly as it took for me to fall asleep, it was morning.

School was frustrating. The whole time I spent itching to go see Edward. I wanted to spend every minute, every second of his last moments with him.

The hours couldn't have dragged on any slower.

"You're going around to the hospital after school right?" Mike had approached me during lunch break.

"Yeah," I said slowly, wondering what he was about to say.

"I was going to go around today but I can't anymore. Will you let Edward know for me? Tell him I'll make it around soon."

"I will," I promised.

Tyler came up to me next, during History class. "Hey Bella?" he asked hesitantly.

"Hi Tyler," I said pleasantly.

"I- I'll feel stupid if I give this to Edward. But I need to. It's important to me- for old time's sake. Will you give it to him for me?" He handed me a CD. I studied it.

Greenday.

I pushed it back at him. "You should give it to him, Tyler. It would mean more to him that way. And it's not stupid, nor should you feel so. He'll appreciate it."

Tyler bit his bottom lip, unsure. He took it from me.

"Yeah, okay, I will. Thanks."

It was finally time to go visit Edward. I drove there as quickly- and legally- as I could.

Dr. Cullen stopped me at the door of Edward's room.

"I'm sorry Bella, now's not a good time."

I frowned, trying to see past him.

"Why? Why not?"

"Just give him a bit. Let the medication take effect. It won't take long."

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine," he assured me. He pointed to a row of chairs. "If you'll just take a seat, I'll come get you when you can see him."

I did as I was told and sat down on one of the chairs.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Twenty minutes.

I had counted five minutes worth of seconds, calculated a random 28x320 (at first I got 896 but when I realised that seemed a little off it was really, after recalculating, 8960), counted how many chairs were in the area that I could see (17) and closely studied the way the zip on my bag worked. I could officially say; I was bored.

Dr. Cullen came out finally with an apologetic smile. "I'm terribly sorry for the wait. He is ready to see you now."

I walked slowly to the door and shocked at what I saw.

Edward looked so… so _sick_; much, much worse than yesterday.

"Oh Edward…" I hurried to his side. "How are you feeling?"

He had to breathe heavily in between words. Talking was a tiring task.

"Not so well Bella. I… think it's getting worse."

Tears fell from my eyes suddenly. "Oh Edward, don't say that." I placed a hand on his forehead. It was _hot_. "Don't give up."

"I would never give up…on you." He sighed heavily. "But I don't think… I have much of a choice… here."

I wept into his pillow. "I'm not ready for you to go. Please don't leave me."

I realised Carlisle was still at the door. I should have been mad that he was intruding on our personal time together but I was too worried about Edward to care. "Is there nothing that can be done?" I had turned to face him. I could be certain my face was a mask of anger and sadness.

Carlisle frowned. "I'm afraid not."

I turned back to Edward. "Please fight for me Edward. For you."

"I'm trying," he said. "But it's…impossible."

"Miracles do happen," I said under my breath.

"What?" Edward asked.

"I said 'I'm not ready for this to happen'." I lied, though really it was the truth. I most certainly _did not want this to happen_.

"I don't think… either of us will ever… be ready."

"Mike and Tyler want to visit you," I said quickly, remembering my promises.

Edward smiled and was about to say something, but instead he winced. My hands fluttered helplessly over him. "What's wrong?" I panicked.

Dr. Cullen stepped in here. "He needs more medication. This should put him out. Bella, you can leave now if you like or you can choose to stay."

"I'll stay," I said and I sat back down in the visitor's chair.

Carlisle gave Edward his medication and left quickly, giving me another sad smile.

There was something about Carlisle that made me feel he was different to most doctors. Maybe this was what Edward was talking about.

I wouldn't know until he woke up. God knows how long that could be.

Better get comfortable.

* * *

Not one of the long chapters I know, but still it was...long. 

Well it deffinitely took a _long _time to write.

So yes, review if you desperately want another chapter. I will write another one but the less reviews the less determined I am to write it.

Oh and I might just add that I don't want Edward to lose his hair, so he won't. That idea doesn't sit well with me in the slightest. I also apologise for my lack of knowledge with this whole cancer thing. It's not one of my favourite subjects- actually the whole being sick thing doesn't really appeal to me- and so I apologise for any false details in my story.

However I'm sure you can all find it in your hearts to accept this and use your imagination to shoo these flaws away!

Thank for reading! And hopefully I can say thanks for reviewing!! I really really did love those reviews for that last chapter!

oh and, sorry for dragging this on... Bella is slightly out of character I realise, but I also thought as I was writing the earlier chapters- hang on, let's think about this: in this story Bella has friends, she relates to someone (human, too), who also makes her feels more confident with herself. This has to have some sort of effect on her... I hope that makes sense and I hope you can see where I am coming from. Thanks!!


	7. Playing Detective

And here it is! Chapter 7!!

It took a _long _time for an idea to hit me- I was suffering some writer's block on how to end the chapter and then I was freaking out about whether the chapter was good enough. You know, all that jazz.

Anyway I hope you all enjoy this chapter!!

* * *

Chapter 7 

**Playing Detective**

I stayed with Edward every night- until Charlie would call for me home- for the rest of that week. Everyday I visited him, everyday I sat in that visitor's chair, just watching him sleep. He did a lot of that; sleep.

Just last night had been the only night I didn't visit him after school. It was on his wishes that I not see him that night- specifically- and when I questioned him he had said an honest "I don't know" but I was more than willing to do anything he asked of me, however much it hurt. So I didn't go last night.

I never thought one night of separation from Edward could come to anything too bad.

Until Mr. Mason arrived at our doorstep with a weeping Mrs. Mason.

"Oh, Charlie, Bella, the most awful thing has happened!" Mrs. Mason cried.

Charlie led them into the living room. I followed closely behind, my heart beating with fear at what was coming next. I held back the tears- I might just be overreacting and I didn't want to make any unnecessary outburst.

"He's gone- disappeared!" Howled Mrs. Mason, throwing herself into Mr. Mason's shoulder.

Charlie remained calm, though his face did not hold back his surprise and concern. "What do you mean 'gone'?"

"Last night, he just disappeared- which is more than impossible as he is in too weak a state to do such a thing on his own." Mr. Mason explained.

Charlie narrowed his eyes. "You think he had outside help?"

"We can only assume so."

"And you think Bella-,"

Mrs. Mason cut him off, appalled at Charlie's accusation. "Heavens no! We know Bella would never. We're only telling you because we thought you deserved to know…"

"Then what are you saying," Charlie asked. "I don't understand."

Mr. Mason spoke then. "To be perfectly honest, we ourselves don't know. I'm actually surprised you weren't aware of this already."

Charlie looked at me pointedly. "I took a week off."

"Oh, I see," Mr. Mason said. "And they haven't called you in?"

"Edward, this is irrelevant." Charlie wasn't pleased.

Mr. Mason shook his head apologetically. "I'm sorry Charlie. This is just a very…hard time for Elizabeth and me. You have to forgive that I am letting myself roam out of place. I'm very on edge lately."

Charlie smiled sympathetically. "I understand, Edward. Tell you what; I'll go down to the office first thing in the morning. I'll even ask them why such an important event has not been brought to my attention immediately."

"Thankyou Charlie, you are a good friend."

"We all need to be good friends at a time like this."

Mr. and Mrs. Mason left then, though the concern for Edward remained in the air. I felt sick.

I looked at my father. "He's really… gone?"

"It seems so. But we'll try our hardest to find him."

"Nobody at the hospital saw? What about his doctor?"

"I don't know any details yet Bella. I have to contact my colleagues to find out what they have."

I took in a heavy, shaky breath. "Do you think he's still alive?"

"I hope so." Charlie's voice was grave and flat and he seemed to stare into nowhere, but his face was calculating.

I didn't know what to do with myself. This past month just seems so surreal I couldn't keep up with things. I couldn't grasp the fact that my world had fallen apart in the time span of a few weeks.

Edward couldn't be sick.

Edward couldn't be dying.

Edward couldn't be missing.

What page am I on now?

With all the emotions running through me the one that stood out the most, ironically, was nothing.

Oh how I wish that was the only thing I was feeling.

------------------------------------------

"Dr. Cullen," Charlie greeted Carlisle. "My name is Charlie Swan; I am the Chief Policemen of Forks."

"Ah, Charlie Swan, you must be Bella's father." Carlisle smiled politely, shaking Charlie's hand.

I was pretending to have a difficult time choosing between salted peanuts and sour snakes at a vending machine not a few meters away from where Charlie and Dr. Cullen were speaking.

"Yes, well, I take it you've met her?" Charlie was clearly thrown by Carlisle's pleasant manner and exceptional looks.

"Lovely girl," Carlisle answered simply but the way he had said it implied more than a conversation focused only on me could accomplish.

"Thankyou," Charlie said, still slightly surprised. "Um, you _are _Edward Mason's doctor are you not?"

"Yes, I was Edward's doctor."

Charlie realised his mistake and went slightly red. "Sorry, I didn't mean…" he cut himself off. "Shall we… shall we take this someplace else?"

"Why don't you step into my office, and we can discuss whatever it is you need to in there?"

Charlie nodded with a smile. "Yes, alright," he said, his hat in his hand, he followed Carlisle to his office down the hall… and around a corner

_Damn._

I quickly, almost running but not quite, hurried to the end of the hall to the adjoining corridor where Charlie and Carlisle and gone down.

I got there just in time to see the corner of a white coat enter a room as the door closed behind it.

Careful not to let my footsteps be heard, I walked to the door on the tips of my feet and placed my ear against it.

I had the right room definitely, I could hear the voices, and however they were difficult to understand. I strained to make out what they were saying.

"-yourself comfortable, Chief Swan,"

"Thankyou," I heard Charlie's gruff reply.

"You have questions about my patient's disappearance. That is why you are here am I right?"

"Spot on actually."

Carlisle's next words were careful and calm. "Your colleagues questioned me yesterday. Were you not satisfied with their results?"

"Actually," I heard Charlie stand up, his voice rise. "I'm taking this case a little more personal. My daughter was very close to Edward you see. So please forgive my unnecessary prying, I just don't feel I can afford to miss any important details."

"I completely understand, Chief Swan," Carlisle's words were honest. He _did _understand. However, I couldn't help but trace some guard in his voice.

What could he possibly have to keep from the police?

"So," Charlie started. "You were not here on the night Edward disappeared, is that so?"

"Yes."

"Can you please tell me what you were doing exactly that night?"

Carlisle spoke as if he'd rehearsed this speech, but I was very aware of how paranoid I was so I passed much of my suspicions off as a ridiculous mistrust. I didn't know what I mistrusted here.

"I was at the Captain's Cabin with my family. We were there from around seven until nine. I can't be exact with the time I apologise."

"That's quite alright. Now," he paused. "Captain's Cabin… that's that new restaurant that was just opened around the corner from the Fork's Library isn't it? Just down the road from here?"

"Yes. Is there something wrong?"

"No, no. I was just wondering… What's the food like?"

"Appetizing."

"That's good, good to hear…"he trailed off and cleared his throat. "Now, um, about Edward… before his disappearance, on Thursday night, did you notice anything… strange?"

"He seemed himself until around Tuesday when he started asking his visitors to stop visiting him. Actually, Bella and his family were the only ones who he told specifically to not visit him on Thursday."

_What?_ I leant back from the door. What does that say about this situation? I checked to make sure no one was coming down the hall and pressed my ear back firmly against it when I was convinced no one was around.

I had missed a bit of the conversation.

"- been said that the cameras were all switched off. How is this possible?"

"Please, Chief Swan, I'm just a doctor. You should speak with the security office about this."

"You're right. I'm sorry. What I'm trying to ask is, ignoring the impossibility to get to the cameras without being seen and to switch them off, is that was Edward in any sort of condition to manage this?"

"He was not in any condition to do such a thing, no. He is not even capable of walking by himself."

"This was all done in five minutes," Charlie said.

"Which means he will have needed a wheel chair," Carlisle said.

There was another pause. "There were no missing wheelchairs."

"That's because it was returned."

"That's impossible."

"They got out in five minutes," Carlisle reminded him.

_Five minutes_. That should be impossible.

But I didn't really care. What mattered was that now we had proof that Edward had help.

"Oh, one more thing, Dr Cullen, do you mind?"

"Not at all," he said.

"How long did Edward have left, before he was kidnapped?"

I feared for his answer though I strained to hear what it was. "Six days at the most, possibly three now if he's lucky," his voice was traced with sadness but he kept it sounding professional.

"Well, I guess that's all I can really ask you, Dr. Cullen. Thankyou very much for speaking with me, I hope I wasn't any sort of inconvenience to your schedule."

"You have no need to apologise, Chief Swan. Have a good day."

"You too," I would have assumed was Charlie's reply as they probably shook hands. But I'd never know.

I was already running.

I made it to the sitting area for waiting patients and sat down in one of the chairs, flicking through the first magazine on top of the pile. It was at the same time that I realised it was for early mothers when Charlie, hat still in hand, and Carlisle came around the corner.

"Bella Swan," Carlisle greeted me, but then his expression turned soft as he said, "My most sincere condolences on the loss of your friend."

"People usually only say that when someone dies," I muttered. Carlisle's eyes were sad.

He seemed to understand however. He gave Charlie hand shake and said goodbye again. His eyes were amused when he saw the magazine I had tried to discreetly put away. I knew I was probably red as a cherry.

We left the hospital in a hurry.

In the car it was my turn to play detective.

"Dad, would you mind telling me what you know?"

Charlie hesitated. "What would you like to know?" His voice was stiff. He was going to be careful, I could tell.

"Did Edward do this by himself?"

"It would appear not."

"Didn't they see him on the cameras?"

"No, the cameras were turned off." He was trying to tell me as little as possible. Too bad I knew enough already to step around this obstacle.

"No security guards? They didn't see him coming?"

Charlie sighed. "It's a complete mystery. I'm only telling you this because I know how much Edward means to you. I don't want you repeating this to anyone, understand?"

"Of course dad," I promised, still waiting for the information.

"The security guard claimed to have gone to the toilet during this time. We thought that was suspicious at first, except that another guard said he saw the same guard got to the bathroom. Their time's matched."

"You don't think it was planned? It _is _a little suspicious. And how would they both know to check what time they go to the bathroom?"

"Part of their job I suppose, at least for the guard who watches the cameras. If anything happened he would need to know at what times he was away from watching. It's more to protect himself and his job more than anything. The other one was probably checking his watch regularly in the first place- it _was _a night shift, he was probably just looking forward to the end of it."

"He didn't have someone to replace him while he was away?"

Charlie looked at me and rolled his eyes. "It was at two AM in the morning, Bella."

"The guard must have been in the toilet for a while."

"Well no actually. The cameras were only off from 2:03 till 2:08."

I pretended to act surprised. "But that's only five minutes!"

"Only exaggerates the mystery."

"Exaggerates?"

Charlie sighed. "It's just too surreal to be true."

I knew exactly what he meant.

The ride was silent for a while, my thoughts absorbing and processing all that I had learnt.

But nothing seemed to add up. The only important things I had learnt were that Edward had help and that whoever it was that had helped him escape was _good_. Better than pro.

But had he escaped? Or was he kidnapped, as Charlie had said.

It really didn't add up at all. Why would Edward want to run away if he was so close to dying? Why didn't he want to spend his last days with his family, his friends?

_With_ _me_?

But then if he was kidnapped, why did he tell his visitors to stop visiting? Was it just mere coincidence? Another cruel twist of fate to make things even more complicated than before?

I had two questions on my hands. _How _had they escaped and _why_.

------------------------------------------

Charlie wasn't home a lot of the time these days. I appreciated his efforts in trying to find or solve Edward's disappearance and I decided to make it up to him by cooking a roast. I had to run down to the shops quickly to pick up what I needed- chicken, potatoes, pumpkin, sweet potato, broccoli, peas and some ingredients for nice gravy to go with it.

It took up a lot of time but the finishing result was in itself a reward. I hoped Charlie would come home soon so I would not be forced to put his dinner in the warmer- that always dries it out.

I had just served it when Charlie came through the door. He looked exhausted as he shrugged off his jacket and hung up his gun belt with it.

He walked into the kitchen and saw the roast; his eyes widened.

"Wow, Bella. Oh and it smells delicious too! I can't believe I didn't notice it when I walked in."

"That's alright dad. You came just in time- I was about to put it in the warmer."

He grimaced at the thought of a near perfect dinner being ruined in such a heartless way.

"That was delicious Bells, thanks so much I really needed that," Charlie said when he was finished. He stood up and stretched, then went to pick up his plate.

"Leave it dad, I'll do the dishes. You've just had a whole day at work, you deserve a rest."

He smiled warmly. "I appreciate that."

I grinned at the sound of a crowd screaming and two men speaking excitedly.

The smile left as my thoughts suddenly strayed to Edward.

His face, his laugh, his smile.

Things I would never see or hear again. Ever.

I missed him. Oh I missed him terribly!

I wished he was here so we could get through this together, so I could express my worries to him. So he could hold me and tell me everything will be all right.

That might work if it wasn't _him _that was missing, that was dying.

Or possibly dead.

I swallowed the last bit of food on my plate with difficulty. My eyes closed tight, I tried to fight back the tears. I wouldn't cry. Not now. Don't cry. Don't be weak. Be strong.

But I missed him.

What do I do now that he's gone? Who do I go to when I'm hurting?

There was so much I wanted to tell him. So much time we could spend just talking, sharing our secrets and our thoughts.

Now all I have are the memories.

But even I know that those memories will fade. Vague pictures in my mind of myself with someone that never got to leave their mark in the world.

_No,_ I would not forget Edward. I will never forget Edward.

I will remember him.

And I will just deal with the pain.

It's better than forgetting completely.

------------------------------------------

I didn't sleep at all that night.

I didn't even go to bed.

I sat under my window, my ring from Edward on my finger. My room was lit with a dim blue light, the blue streaks marked on my wooden floorboards. It was this light I used to see as I painfully went through pictures of Edward's and my childhood together on those rainy holidays in Forks.

His face was just as beautiful as ever, no matter what age he was. Seeing his face again helped the pain.

However the pictures weren't enough and I threw the album down in my fury. That's how I found it. The loose floorboard I mean. I crawled over to the book and pushed it aside. I tried to lift the floorboard up but I found myself clawing at the ground, accomplishing nothing.

Quickly I went over to my wardrobe and took out a metal coat hanger. I dashed back to where the floorboard was and knelt down beside it. I struggled to unwind the top of the coat hanger where it was twisted together to join, but when I was done I had a long thin metal stick.

I put pressure on the end of the loose floorboard and as I expected it rose slightly, but not enough to get a finger underneath to pull up. So I bent the end of the metal and stuck it sideways. It fit in and I rotated it to get a hook onto the board. Then I pulled it up.

I don't know why I was so eager to look under the floorboard. I didn't consciously expect something to be hidden underneath.

But there was something

An envelope actually .

A gentle, coffee-stained colour and dust covered envelope.

With a shaking hand I picked it up and looked at it, afraid to open it.

But I did.

Oh boy has curiosity killed the cat.

It was a picture of Edward and me in clown suites from his tenth birthday.

On the back, in Edward's elegant scrawl, were two words.

_I'm sorry._

I clutched the photo to my chest and cried. Those two words meant so much to me yet I wasn't even sure what he was apologising for.

Was it for leaving me?

Was it for hurting me?

Or has this letter just been down there much longer than I thought?

Maybe I'm catching up on a two year old apology.

_But he used the same envelope as last time._

I didn't know how old or recent this was. And I didn't care.

I would pretend it was what I wanted to hear.

Because it was all I needed to hear.

For now.

------------------------------------------

Another week passed and I found myself in black attire. My hair curled, my mascara smudged as it ran down my face with my tears.

Charlie held my hand, his expression empty. He gave it a comforting squeeze. In my other hand I held a single rose.

Mrs. Mason wept into her frozen husband's shoulder. He didn't seem to acknowledge her. His eyes were glued to the man who read kind words.

A crowd from school and most of Forks attended Edward's funeral, everyone wanting to pay their respects.

There were speeches made by those closest to him. Each one was equally as beautiful but none could do his kind heart any justice.

I didn't have a speech. The Masons understood. I knew Edward would understand.

I couldn't stand up behind that microphone and read something I'd written. There were just too many words I couldn't say.

Finally, the empty coffin was lowered into the ground. Most people closed there eyes and lowered their heads. I kept mine open, watching the coffin sink deeper and deeper into the earth as people threw the petals of their flowers they'd brought in with it.

_Oh Edward, where are you?_

In quiet mourning people walked away to the comfort of their homes, their families, their friends, wanting nothing more than to put this grief behind them, where Edward would just become a memory of something that was good while it lasted.

I threw my rose into the hole and let Charlie put his arm around my shoulder and lead me away from Edward's empty grave.

Though these words were not engraved in stone, they were engraved in my heart.

**Edward Anthony Mason**

**My Best Friend, My Boyfriend, My Life**

**Forever and Ever**

------------------------------------------

There it was at the tip of my fingers

There it was on the tip of my tongue

There you were and I had never been that far

There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms

And I let it all slip away

------------------------------------------

What do I do now that you're gone

No back up plan, no second chance

No one else to blame

All I can hear in the silence that remains

Are the words I couldn't say

------------------------------------------

There's a rain that'll never stop falling

There's a wall that I've tried to take down

What I should've said just wouldn't pass my lips

So I held back and now we've come to this

And it's too late now

------------------------------------------

[Words I couldn't say- Rascal Flatts

* * *

Well, let me know what you think!! 

2 days until I go away- would you like another chapter?

Remember, I'm gone for 3 weeks after this!


	8. At Wind's Destination

Ok well I'm pretty surprised at myself! I managed to finish the _whole _chapter and it's not even dinner time yet!

Well, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!! I decided to do something really mean with this because I spoiled you guys with another chapter before I go away! I just didn't want you all thinking I was _too _nice! ;-)

* * *

Chapter 8

**At Wind's Destination**

_Focus Bella. Focus on the pain. This will make it all go away._

_Upstream, that's the way to do it. _

_Hold your breath, it will help._

_Don't cry! You're pathetic, worthless. The world couldn't give a crap. Not for you._

_Slowly does it._

_Are you feeling dizzy yet? Good, it's time to take a bath._

"Bella, are you in there?" The door shook in its frame as fists pounded fiercely against it. "Bella, answer me!"

But I couldn't. Not without air.

My survival instincts told me to be panicking, to be struggling for surface. But I was too weak.

I could see the shower curtain, not an arm's length away. It was red, just like the walls, just like everything I now saw. I wanted to reach out for the curtain, to lift myself up, to breathe in the air I needed so badly. I was so tired.

"Bella, you answer me now or I will let myself in!"

_No, stay out_, I wanted to say. Little bubbles escaped my mouth.

I imagined a loud crash and a now distant voice was panicking.

"Oh, Bella," the face was above mine now, all disfigured with the waves of water.

It was Charlie, I knew it was. But I pretended it was Edward.

_Come home for me at last._

------------------------------------------

It was my second attempt at suicide in a year. I knew I had survived the moment I opened my eyes and saw the white blankets covering me.

There was no one else in the room. I was all alone.

I noticed it was dark.

_What time is it?_

There was a bandage on my wrist. I studied it closely. Approximately seven centimetres long, that would mean underneath would be a five centimetre gash- it was a decent cut; it would scar.

I sighed. I hadn't planned on living through this one, and now that I had, I wasn't prepared to face Charlie. I must have scared him to death.

Why couldn't things be simpler?

Since Edward had left me, I had never been at peace with the world.

Rebelling at school, drinking, cutting- I had even attempted smoking but the coughing fit even after my third time had immediately put off.

I was looking for a distraction- not discomfort.

Maybe it was because of the way Edward had left me; sudden and unexpected. I hadn't been prepared; therefore, it had damaged me more than it should.

It's like playing one of those prank games you play on the internet where they make you focus really hard on something and then suddenly a hideous face appears scaring the daylights out of you.

You almost have a heart attack.

Even when you're expecting it- it's just not as bad.

I was the unfortunate, gullible one.

Thinking of Edward hurt. It was almost overwhelming and I scrunched my face and balled my fists in the agony.

_My heart, where is my heart?_

I could feel it beating, pulsing blood through my veins. But it wasn't there. Instead I could only feel pain- throbbing pain that tortured me at a single reminder of Edward.

It wanted me to forget him.

But I had promised I wouldn't.

_Deal with the pain, remember him._

_He's gone, so what's the point in remembering something that's just going to hurt you. It's not as if he's coming back._

_Shut up!_ I begged. The indecision was bringing more pain.

It was unfair. If I chose to forget him, the pain would go away. I didn't want to forget.

But if I got what I wanted- to remember Edward and all that he was to me- I would suffer the consequences.

The devil always got his way.

I took a deep breath as the pain dulled. Soon it was nothing and I could breathe again.

_There, isn't that better?_

I sighed in reply to the voice, cursing it to hell.

_We're already there._

"Bella, you're awake!" It was Charlie. I groaned. "Don't you ever do that to me again- you promised!" His disappointment in me was heartbreaking. His concern for me was comforting.

"Sorry dad," I said. There wasn't really anything else I could say; and sorry wasn't even near acceptable.

"No you're not," he shook his head, his hand on his creased forehead of worry lines, like he was suffering a headache. His eyes were closed as he breathed in heavily. "You're not even close to being okay. Bella I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to be dad. I'm trying to get through this okay? It's been hard."

But Charlie wasn't convinced. "Bella, I've been thinking," he seemed to be struggling to say this. "I don't want you to be mad with me. It's already been done. You're going to a psychiatrist."

"What!" I screamed. Charlie hushed me, glancing around the room nervously; afraid an angry doctor might come and put shame on us.

"Bella, you're not well."

"I'm perfectly fine."

Charlie grabbed my wrist and twisted it around. I winced.

"Oh you're fine are you? Then would you care to explain why you're in here for _the second time_ for the _same reason_?"

"Dad," I whispered. "Let go, please." He did and I pulled my hand back, hiding it, ashamed. "You wouldn't understand. I can't be helped now. It's too late."

Charlie was appalled. "It's never too late. How can you say that? Bella, this lady, she will help you. That's what she's trained to do-."

"What? She's trained to bring people back from the dead?" I had raised my voice with my outburst. Charlie stared at me, clearly taken by surprise.

"No," he spoke quietly, barely a whisper. "She's trained to help people who aren't handling a loss."

I glared at him. "You expect me to get over this?"

"No. I expect you to handle it."

"I am handling it," I said through my teeth.

Charlie was patient. "Bella, you're not. It's just by luck I got to you in time. If not, by now you would be dead. Now tell me you're okay."

"I'm okay."

He sighed. I would not let it show on the outside, but he was having an effect on me. I wasn't coping and I wasn't handling my situation well. I _did _need help.

But I could never admit that.

Charlie put his hand on mine closest to him. He stared at me with wide, earnest eyes; so full of concern and love. How could this man love me? After all I had put him through; he had stayed by my side. Maybe it was just because I refused to go let Renee handle things. I wanted to stay in Forks.

"I'm going home now. Just think it over, please; for me if not for yourself. "

He left then. Probably so he could spend time with Jane; the love of _his _life.

How could he not understand me? How could he expect my acts to be thought over rationally after such a terrible loss of the one _I _loved?

He should know better.

I would _not _be going to that shrink.

------------------------------------------

I was sitting in front of the physiatrist with a bob who claimed to be Patricia.

Patricia was tall, well exercised and had a kind face with those squinty little eyes which could have been accused of being 'cute' back in her day though they were enlarged by her thick narrow square glasses. Her voice was slightly monotone and soft. She appeared to understand me.

She had no idea.

"Tell me what you feel you are getting out of this? Out of these…" she gestured to my wrists which I pulled back into my lap immediately. I glared at her.

There was cruel silence in the air. "A distraction," I mumbled finally. She didn't feel the need to push me to speak. I always did eventually.

_Ugh,_ hadn't I been through all this?

With _myself_?

Self therapy; save some money. Do it at home; help prolong those finite resources.

_Why _was I here?

"A distraction to what, Isabella? What are you trying to distract yourself from?"

_Isabella, Isabella, Isabella. _I felt like screaming, pulling my hair out from the frustration of it all.

I took in a deep breath, calming myself down. I had such a short temper these days.

"From the pain."

"What pain?"

"The pain of his absence. It hurts to not have him around. It hurts to think about him."

Patricia leaned forward from her chair, her face attempting to show... was it sympathy?

"Bella, I know it hurts to lose someone. I really do. My husband died four years into our marriage. I'm going to help you cope through this process of grieving. It hurts to think about it, it hurts when you're not thinking about it. After these sessions we have, you should be able to remember Edward with-."

"Do _not _say his name! You have no right to say his name!"

She did not seem staggered by my outburst. Her face was inches from me.

Instead she adjusted her glass on her nose and pulled back slowly so she was sitting upright, good posture. She scribbled something down on her clipboard.

"Why did you shout at me just then?" She asked finally.

I stared at her blankly. "What?"

"What caused that outburst? Are you mad at me for saying his name? Or are you mad at hearing his name?"

I continued to stare at her, surprised by her calm act of cool.

"Uh… both?"

"Why? Let's talk about this, but neither of us will say his name? Is that a deal?"

I simply nodded. She smiled and waved her hand, encouraging me to continue.

"I miss him, I suppose. And just _saying _or _thinking _his name hurts. It just hurts so _much_. I want to be able to remember him. I wish I was strong enough to deal with the pain. But it's just so much easier to forget."

"That's not true," Patricia said calmly. "Those recent rush to the hospital incidents are proof of that."

"I don't understand," I said slowly.

"To forget about someone is the hardest thing possible. If you struggle not to _think _about them, how can you possibly _forget _them entirely?"

I could see what she was saying. And I hated that she made sense.

Patricia could see her words sinking in. Her smile was smug.

"So, how does the cutting help? Surely you can't tell me you aren't thinking about him while you're doing it? Isn't his absence the motive behind this intention? This intention to die," she kept her face straight the whole time she spoke. She waited patiently for my response.

I didn't like the words she had chosen. I knew that was why she chose them.

"It helps because I can think about him then. And I know it's okay for the hurt because I know it will end. If I try to think about him while I'm, say, at school, the pain will be too unbearable and it lasts too long. And what makes it worst is that I can expect it again in any near future."

Patricia nodded. "So it needs to be a direct memory?" she questioned.

"Excuse me?"

"To feel the hurt you have to be thinking about him? You can discuss things that are related to him, but you're okay until the connection is actually made?"

"I don't know what you're trying to say."

"Let's use this session as the prime example. Here we are, talking about _him_. No, let me correct myself- we're talking about _you _and your reaction to _his _death. The connection is not made but the link is there. Until I actually said his name, the two chains were joined and you reacted immediately. Do you understand what I am saying?"

I nodded, speechless.

Patricia was victorious. I left the building flabbergasted. She knew it, I knew it. She would have an effect over me eventually.

But I was not cured yet. My thoughts were merely distracted by the confusion of the lesson.

That's what I'll use these sessions for, I decided. I'll use them as my harmless way to distract myself.

But they'll never cure me. It was too late for that.

------------------------------------------

The loose floorboard had become useful. I had filled it with every memory of _him_; photos, letters, Birthday and Christmas cards, even class notes we had shared- everything except what couldn't fit.

And my ring. I still wore it everyday.

It was the only thing that didn't hurt to look at.

I sat at my computer playing solitaire, bored. I had successfully finished three games of it and by my fourth one I had switched the computer off. There wasn't much to do on a Saturday night; I didn't have any friends.

It was my fault of course. Through all their attempts at trying to get through to me, I had built a stable, almost impenetrable wall which bounced their feeble attempts of empathy and comforts away.

I had isolated myself from everyone.

I never stopped to wonder how this might upset him, the deceased love of mine. But honestly, who cares? It's not as if he's watching me. If he was, why would he care? He left me- this way on purpose.

I could forgive him if it had been in the way I was preparing myself for. But he ran away.

_He ran away from me._

Then why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't I just be mad at him?

Why did I have to miss him?

There were so many questions, in which I had no answers.

I kicked the leg of my desk, swearing at the pain that now throbbed in my big toe.

I paced furiously from my desk and wardrobe. I suddenly turned to my window, opened it and climbed through.

Carefully, I sidestepped away from my window to the edge. The roof slanted here, allowing me to climb up if I was careful. I wedged my foot in the corner between the wall of the house and the wall of the box my window came out of and gripped the pipe above me. It could easily be broken off and I was shaking, but eventually I pulled myself up, breathing in relief.

Funny how I was scared I could've died.

I don't know what made me want to come onto the roof, but now that I was up here, I'm glad I did it. I could see the stars here. It was a clear sky.

There was a cool, gentle breeze passing over the rooftops, and it blew my hair towards its destination. Where was the winds purpose? I wondered. Where does the wind end? And what happens to it when it reaches it?

It reminded me of myself.

I was headed somewhere, as was everyone who lived.

But where? And why?

How will this story finish? Where will it end up? In the pages of some untouched, decaying book in the Library of Life.

Nobody wants to read a story that has no happy ending.

A raindrop landed in my eye, making me flinch.

"What the hell?" I sat up and rubbed my eye. What a way to ruin a moment.

Another raindrop came, and another.

I needed to get off the roof.

Why does the rain always have to come as suddenly as it goes?

Why can't it be like everywhere else in the world and take its time? Come slowly, as a warning to get out your umbrella, and leave slowly, letting you know that that's all there'll be for now. And then the clouds will part slowly, and sunshine will filter through the parting gaps, lighting up everyone's world.

I hesitated at the edge of the roof, debating how the best way to get down was. I didn't want to slip and break my neck.

The problem was the roof was already slippery.

"Better just get this over with," I said.

I was just about to jump, preparing myself, repeating what I was to do over and over in my head; jump down, grab pipe, pipe will fall, land on roof, might hurt but at least I won't be dead or paralysed waist down. And then if I start sliding towards the edge of the lower roof I can easily grab the edge and hold on for dear life. Or pray for a quick ending.

Easy.

I shifted from foot to foot, counted to three and-

"Wait!"

I froze.

Every muscle, every thought, everything.

I looked around me. Nobody was there. Surely if someone could see me up here I could see them?

"Who's there?" I called out. No reply. "Show yourself!"

A light flickered on at the balcony.

"Bella?" It was Charlie. Crap. "Bella is that you shouting? Where are you?"

I cringed and peered over the edge.

"I'm up here dad."

Charlie looked up and jumped back in fright. "Bella, what are you _doing _up there? Get down this instant."

I looked around me and shrugged, thought he wouldn't have seen it; it was too dark.

"I can't, I'm stuck."

Charlie ran to the front door but then he ran back. "Wait there for a minute," he said quickly and ran back into the house.

"It's not as if I can go anywhere anyway," I mumbled.

Charlie came out of the house and ran to our neighbours.

_Oh Charlie, no you don't. _Humiliation was headed my way.

Sure enough, our neighbour Mr. Lorn and Charlie came back around, both of them holding a long ladder. I smacked myself on the forehead; it made a plashing sound because I was soaking wet.

"We've got a ladder," Charlie announced, placing it up against the wall with Mr. Lorn's help.

"Yep, I noticed, thanks," I was shivering. It was _cold_.

I was down on solid ground in no time. Charlie made me say thankyou to Mr. Lorn before sending me inside. I only hoped Charlie didn't see this as another suicide attempt. That would really give Patricia something to spend three sessions on.

As soon as I was inside I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and went into my bedroom, the door locked. Nothing beats a fresh change of clothes, warm and dry.

As predicted, there was a knocking on my door twenty minutes later. I let in a scowling Charlie.

"Would you care to explain why I was helping you down off the roof?"

I smiled coyly. "Because I was stuck?"

Charlie glared at me.

I sighed. "I just thought it would be fun."

"You weren't…?" he didn't finish the sentence. He didn't need to.

"No dad, I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I would have been fine had it not started raining."

Charlie relaxed. "Oh, okay," now there was an awkward silence. A moment passed. "Alright well… I'll just… go and, leave you to yourself."

He left my room, probably to go watch TV with a beer to get over the shock.

I had stopped drinking since I had been seeing Patricia. In more ways than one she _was _helping me. I couldn't lie and say she wasn't doing anything.

My grades at school were still unacceptable, but I honestly didn't care.

Where would they take me anyway?

College?

I laughed at the idea.

It wasn't until I was lying in bed, on the brink of consciousness when something hideous hit me.

_That voice._

I recognised it now.

But it was impossible.

Because it was Edward's.

------------------------------------------

No doubt I was confused. I had dreamt of him that night. And it left me completely lost by the time I woke up.

I was still thinking of that voice.

Where had it come from? Was it really him? Had I imagined it?

So many possible answers. I didn't have a clue which ones to look for.

The absurd ones or the logical ones?

I got out of bed and looked out my window.

Raining of course.

Charlie wasn't home but he'd left a note.

_Fishing with Jane and Billy, will be back by dinner. _

It was eleven. I had slept in.

I took a shower, got changed, had a quick breakfast and went for a walk with an umbrella high over my head.

I wasn't going anywhere in particular; wherever my feet led me.

Which was the forest.

I had a strong liking for the forest.

As I got further in, it became darker and colder. I liked it this way.

The air was icy and fresh.

I realised I had spent a lot of time in this forest by myself in the past. The last time being on a night I couldn't sleep. I wondered why, after all the peace I had felt from that one visit, why I hadn't come again. Especially when I'd needed it most.

I didn't feel I should dwell on the past as it was too horrid. Just concentrate on the peace it's bringing you now.

_You need this. Some time to yourself will do you good._

I had passed the log I recognised from where I sat last time; however it was covered in much more moss now. I walked right passed it, my eyes looking straight forward.

I must have been walking for hours. The forest's trail seemed never ending. Still I continued down the dark path, unsure of what I was searching for.

I heard the snap of a twig, and I turned around, startled.

Nothing.

A dear, perhaps. Or something smaller.

Hopefully something smaller.

I kept walking until I thought I saw a grey blur in the trees. I narrowed my eyes and tried to see into the darkness, but my eyes wouldn't adjust.

"Who's there?" I asked. When there was no reply I shook my head and turned around to keep walking when someone was suddenly someone standing twenty meters away down the trail in front of me.

I screamed in fright and he flinched, his face looked pained.

I took a step towards him only for him to stake a step back.

"Edward?" I asked in a weak voice.

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

Miss me- But let me go.

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me,

I want no rites in a gloom filled room.

Why cry for a soul set free?

------------------------------------------

Miss me a little- But not too long.

And not with your head bowed low.

Remember the love that we once shared.

Miss me- But let me go.

------------------------------------------

For this is a journey that we all must take,

And each must go alone.

It's all a part of the Master's plan;

A step on the road to home.

------------------------------------------

When you are lonely and sick of heart,

Go to the friends we know.

And buy your sorrows in good deeds.

Miss me- But let me go.

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

* * *

Ok, well that's it for 3 weeks! Sorry :-(

Please don't hate me... xoxo :-)

Review, please! The more reviews the longer I'll make the next chapter when I get back! Maybe I'll try and make it the length of _two _chapters. Whatever works really, but I'll try my hardest.

Thanks for reading!

...Only 3 weeks- it'll be over in a blur because you'll all be reading Eclipse!!

TTFN- au revoir!

:-)


	9. What Makes the Vampire

Guess what?! An update! Chapter 9 is finally here! I'm really sorry for the wait... I have been so caught up with school work I just didn't have time to work on this story. But I never forgot about it and believe me I felt terrible guilty about making you all wait for so long :-(

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Chapter 9 

**What Makes the Vampire**

I strained my eyes to see him, though the little light could grant no sight of detail, only a dark figure. It did not stand straight or casual, but hunched over with arms outstretched to the sides. There was nothing humane in its stance.

I took an involuntary step backwards, stumbling over and landing on my backside in the dirt trail and dampened leaves.

"Edward?" I called out again, but my voice wavered; my doubts in the identity of this stranger were clear.

I slowly stood up, never letting my eyes stray. My legs felt weak and I wanted to sit back down again. "Please, whoever you are, say something. Do you need help? Are you lost?" I put out a reassuring hand as one would when approaching a dog and advanced toward the figure. I kept my pace slow and even. "Are you hurt? Are you okay?" I asked such questions over again as I walked, my hand still held out in front of me. "You don't need to be afraid. Everything will be alri-". I stopped mid sentence because suddenly he was not there. I blinked, trying to make sense of what had happened. Did I just imagine that? Was there really no one there and it was just some visual confirmation to the loss of my sanity? It was dark so maybe the light had been playing tricks.

Though almost as soon as he disappeared, a blur shot across in front of me and there were two figures flying into the forest. The sound of impact was almost deafening and I covered my ears with my hands, cowering.

"Jasper!" a voice called out. "Get your arse over here!" It spoke as if in struggle, as if it was trying to restrain something.

Without thought I ran towards the voice, leaving the trail. The floor was completely covered with soft wet leaves making my steps quieter. My heartbeat could be heard in my ears and the further I got in it only accelerated and pumped harder. I couldn't see anyone but I was certain I had heard something. The ringing in my ears was proof of that.

I stopped running and closed my eyes hoping it would make my hearing more sensitive to the sounds. It was difficult to hear anything other than the _thump-thump-thump _of my heart but finally I heard it; a shuffling of leaves and quiet grunts and sharp gasps. I stood there for a moment, deliberating whether I should go towards the sounds or away from them. If what I had seen back there really happened, then what I saw was not human. No one could move at such speed. Dithered, I ran towards the sound, curiosity making the resolute and on-the-spot, no logical reason for it decision for me. I slowed down as I approached, suddenly having second thoughts. One question haunted the periphery of my mind. Inconspicuous as it was a moment before, but now that I noticed it, it was impossible to ignore; what_ if this gets me killed?_

I dragged a branch downwards, peering through a small gap. I was surprised when they came into view. Three figures surrounded the fourth. They held on to him from all angles as he thrashed about wildly, snarling. He was trying to pull free.

Suddenly he stopped, calming. His eyes scanned the area and I quickly pulled away, ducking to the ground and breathing into my knees, my eyes closed tightly. I heard one of the three mutter words. It was a deep voice, informing me that this one was a man.

"Thank God, I thought he would never stop. Poor fella, he's going to have a hard time letting this one down. I wonder, has anyone thought to check on that girl?"

I held my breath for a good moment, terrified at the idea of being caught by one of them.

"Do you think she saw anything?" A female asked.

"She probably just thinks it was some illusion, her eyes playing tricks on her in the dark," he laughed dryly, "probably hiding under her blankets in bed by now."

"I wonder what she was doing this far in the forest though." The female spoke again.

I stood up slowly, and searched for a small gap to peer through. As I moved I scraped against a few branches.

I turned around slowly to meet eyes with the wild one. His eyes burned into mine and I couldn't look away. I wanted to ran, but I took a step forward, entranced by the intensity of this creatures gaze. I wanted to be as far away from this _thing _as possible, but my I had no control over my body. Those eyes, they were so _familiar_. A twig snapped from beneath my feet, snapping me from my trance. The wild one was no longer calm and quiet. His attempt to escape became even more desperate. He growled and tried to bite one of the three restraining him.

"Ouch! You bloody-"

"She's here!" One of them snarled. It was the female. "The stupid girl followed us!" She looked in my direction but it was too dark to see her face.

"Will…someone please get her …out of here?" The tall, burly one shouted between pauses of struggle. "Where's …Alice?"

"She should… have been here ages- OW! - ago."

Suddenly I felt my stomach tighten on itself and the ground become air. My vision was blurred and my head spun. _Get a grip_, I told myself.

But the feeling wouldn't go away and then suddenly my body swung and I was being cradled in someone's arms.

_What?_

The body I was pressed to felt cold even through my thick sweater. Add that to the ice cold bite of the passing wind and I was shivering like an excited puppy.

Which aroused the question; _how the hell are we moving so fast?_

I closed my eyes and took a deep, steady breath. I realised how _sick _I felt then.

_Please let this be over soon._

My pleas were granted when I suddenly felt myself lying on something soft and when I opened my eyes I saw, to my relief, that my surroundings were completely still.

The room which I found myself in was large and magnificent; a high beamed ceiling, wooden floors and thick carpets that looked unmarked and soft enough to fall asleep on. In front of me was an impressively large plasma television with huge speakers and a large book case for DVDs and CDs beside it. As I looked around I noticed more speakers for surround sound. There was also another identical couch beside this one but which faced the TV on a diagonal. In the centre of this home theatre layout was a glass coffee table and a pile of magazines on top of it.

In the reflection of the plasma I could see that the large windows to my right actually ran along the whole back of the house and the view was astounding.

I could see a river further down, surrounded by the forest. Until the river the back yard is really a large clearing.

In the spacious room was also a breathtakingly grand piano. I felt myself unable to tear my eyes away from it until I was interrupted by the clearing of one's throat to the right of the piano.

I jumped in surprise and found myself looking into the eyes of... Dr. Cullen?

It would be difficult to forget a face like that if not downright impossible.

"Dr. Cullen!" I cried.

He chuckled. "Your expression is incredulous. I cannot refute that."

"_What _is going on?" I asked, jumping straight to the soul question.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that." He was shaking his head.

"Dr. Cullen, I'm not even _sure _of what I saw!"

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Where am I?"

He took a seat on the couch that was placed at an angle to the television. He gestured to our surroundings. "Welcome to my home." He said simply, smiling kindly. I didn't say anything; I just looked at him in amazement.

"Was that Edward I saw tonight?" I said finally. I had to know and I was terrified of the answer.

Carlisle took in a deep breath. "Yes."

I closed my eyes tight, picturing the creature I had seen in the forest. The memory had me fighting tears. Not tears for myself, but for Edward. How could he come to this? A wild, uncontrollable... beast.

"You must know, Bella that Edward is usually in better control..."

"Better control of what?" I asked, my voice hard, my eyes still shut.

"Of himself."

My eyes were open now and I stared at him hard. "Why would he need to be in control of himself? That wasn't the Edward I knew!"

But Carlisle disagreed. "No, Bella, that was Edward as all he has ever been-"

"What? A monster?" I spat, folding my arms across my chest.

"Edward has changed in many portions. Many. But _who _he is will always be the same. What you saw then was a part of _what _he is. It's something he will learn to control over some years."

"What do you mean _what _he is? And _what _does he need to learn to control?"

He studied my face for a second, thinking. Finally he shook his head, his expression both sad and concerned. "This is the part I think you will have the most trouble believing."

"Carlisle, I just saw Edward with my own eyes. Might I just remind you he is supposed to be dead? Anything that explains how this is possible is probably how it is." I relaxed my face, calming down. "I love Edward, Carlisle. It's been so hard… but now he's back. I need to know how."

Carlisle looked at me for a few seconds before nodding. His expression was serious and his eyes held no trace of anything that could give away any kind of hint that this was just a terrible prank.

"Edward didn't want to die," he started, looking at the grand piano across the room. "He would often ask me how long he had and if there was any possible way to extend his time. I asked him if he was afraid to die but he said no. He admitted that he was in love and had been in love for a very long time. 'Why is the rose always cut off when it's in full bloom?' he asked me, but I had no answer."

He paused, measuring my expression carefully. I kept calm but my heart was racing wildly because this bothered the theories and suspicions I had carefully pulled out. What Carlisle was telling me went against all that I had thought. Edward really had loved me; he hadn't _wanted _to leave me. This still didn't explain _why_ he'd left.

"When I saw you both together it was clear that you both were something together. Two pieces of a two-piece puzzle. You fit together perfectly. I was considering offering Edward some options.

Coincidentally, that night Edward asked me another question. He asked if I could do anything, anything in _my _power. Suspicious and surprised as I was, I was willing to accept. There is a risk in telling people our secrets, Bella, but if Edward changed his mind after hearing what I had to offer, my secret would die with him. If he welcomed it, my secret would become his."

"What secret?" I whispered, engrossed in his story.

"We are vampires," Carlisle said slowly and then he waited for my responses.

"V-vampires?" I shook my head. "No, see, that's impossible. Vampires don't exist."

"Prove it," Carlisle challenged.

"How can I prove something I've never seen?"

"Exactly," Carlisle said, leaning back with a smug expression. "You have neither proof for their existence or absence; you can only choose what to believe."

"Well, see, _reality _is kicking my arse right now and so you can see how I might struggle to just _choose _to believe that."

Carlisle just looked at me, the corners of his mouth lifted in a slight smile.

"Where is Edward?" I asked, remembering why we were on this subject in the first place.

"He is with Emmett and Jasper. He's very upset with himself right now."

"Emmett and Jasper?" I asked.

"His brothers. We consider ourselves a family."

"By all rights, we _are _a family," came a female voice from behind me. I turned around to see a very petit but beautiful girl dancing towards us with such grace I could envy.

I looked at Carlisle. "Is she one too?"

Carlisle nodded and the girl laughed.

"_You _must be Bella! Edward talks a lot about you. He really misses you. It's a shame your reunion didn't go so well. He's really going to struggle forgiving himself over this one."

"That's enough Alice." Carlisle said sternly.

Alice smiled at me apologetically while I fought a lump in the back of my throat.

"It's alright," I croaked but Alice shook her head.

"No, Carlisle's right. I shouldn't have been so straight forward. Sorry."

I smiled, taking an almost instant liking to her.

I turned back to Carlisle. "What do you mean when you say he has to learn to control himself?"

Alice made a snorting sound. "I don't need to hear all this again. I'm going to go help Esme out." She turned around and left.

Carlisle ignored her and kept his attention to me. "Many vampire myths are merely that- myths- but some are reasonably close to the truth and others dead on... such as our diet."

"Blood," I whispered. Carlisle nodded.

"That's right. Edward, he's new to this lifestyle, less experienced than us who have been living like this for decades now. There's one thing you must know about how we live, this family here. Unlike most vampires, we choose not to kill humans. We are contingent to drink blood but we have discovered that killing humans isn't necessary. We drink the blood of animals.

But don't think that this means we are no risk to humans. The urges, the thirst, it is still there. It always will be. Animal's blood isn't as...satisfying as humans. Edward has it the hardest at the moment as much as he hates to admit it. He cannot be near humans for any long period of time. Not yet. But I do have to say Edward is very ahead of himself, he has better control than most of us had."

"But the way he was when he was near me... you'd think he'd need to be isolated from them completely." I said.

Carlisle frowned. "There is always that unique individual you may pass across here and there that will smell particularly good to a vampire."

"So, I'm that individual I take it. But how come you and Alice could handle being around me?"

"Hey, you smell good to us, but not _that _good," the lilting voice of Alice said as she was suddenly behind me again.

I sighed. "What a coincidence. The love of my life craves _my _blood the most." I cringed at how weird that sounded. I sighed again. "When will I be able to see Edward?"

"We're not sure. If Edward thinks himself capable, I am sure he will want to see you as soon as possible. _If _he doesn't think he'll kill you in the attempt."

------------------------------------------

I stood in the kitchen with a glass in my hand. Water; the only thing available in the Cullen house that I could safely drink. No food and no drinks other than H2O from the tap. I was surprised they had glasses.

"Esme, would it be alright if I used your phone?" I asked her, as she walked into the kitchen.

Her smile was warm and kind. "Of course you can, dear."

I walked over to the phone I had been eyeing and placed my drink down so I could dial in the numbers.

It ringed out and I considered leaving a message when I remembered Charlie's note. He'd said he would be home by... did he say dinner? If that was the case then I had plenty of time.

I picked up my glass again and walked back to the sink to refill it.

"Are you sure you don't want me to run down to the store and get something for you?" Her face was apologetic and concerned.

I declined her kind offer again and turned back to the sink to fill my glass for the third time. Truth was I was starving. I was hoping if I drank enough water it would fill me up. All I was achieving really was an upset stomach that had the swishing sensation if I moved too quickly and too abruptly.

I turned away from the sink and suddenly there was a third person in the room. He was _huge _with muscles that were usually only seen on professional boxers. His hair was a mess and dirt was smudged across his face and clothes. He looked _mad_. What surprised me most, not including the sight of him, was how I reacted. I screamed and dropped the glass. My body froze as I heard the glass shatter and I involuntarily shrank back when his eyes were laid upon me.

His stare was hard for a few moments but then his mouth lifted up into a huge grin and he burst out in boisterous laughter. My body was still stubbornly disobedient and wouldn't move an inch. It was as if I had forgotten how to.

"Oh, come on, he's not _that _ugly," came Alice as she walked in from behind Emmett. Her smile was teasing and smug.

Emmett stopped laughing and smiled at me. "Sorry for giving you such a scare." His mouth twitched upwards slightly.

"Bella this is Emmett," Alice introduced me.

I recognised him from school then. I also remembered Carlisle mentioning he had been with Edward. "Is Edward okay?" I asked quietly, still rooted to the spot. My eyes dashed to the floor, expecting to see shattered glass around me, but it was gone.

"He's pretty angry with himself."

"I want to see him," I said quickly but Emmett shook his head.

"I wouldn't recommend it and he's gone for a run anyway."

"He's gone for a...run?"

"To cool off." Emmett's chin lifted slightly and his eyes were proud. "It was my suggestion."

My stomach rumbled; something I had been trying to avoid. Everyone stared at me, confused but fascinated.

"Esme, doesn't that mean she needs to eat?" Alice asked finally. I looked away, embarrassed.

"It's nothing, really. I just need more water." I turned around to pick up my glass but remembered I had dropped it.

"I'll go get you something, Bella dear. What would you like?"

"I don't mind."

Esme hesitated for a moment but then she had a look of determination on her face and she left the room quickly.

Alice walked over to me slowly. She reached an arm out and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "How are you holding up?"

My sigh was unsteady. "Kind of still shocked, I guess."

"It was a lot to take in," she agreed. She led me back out into the enormous room and we both sat down on the couch. "Edward will be back soon," she promised and switched on the TV.

I didn't really watch the television, but more like used it as something to look at. My mind was wild with thoughts and I was slow to break out of them when Alice said my name. It sounded far away but she was right next to me.

"Hmm?" I said, looking at her lazily.

She nodded at me as if pointing behind me with her chin and eyes. When I turned around, I felt my heart jolt with happiness.

"Bella," he breathed.

------------------------------------------

We sat outside, on the grass in the middle of the clearing that was his back yard.

"Is this okay for you?" I asked quietly.

Edward nodded. "I can cope. I was prepared for it this time." He looked at me sadly, his eyes pleading with me. "Just don't move too quickly, please."

I nodded... slowly.

He chuckled, but it held no trace of humour. Then his face turned serious. "I'm so sorry about what happened in the forest-"

"Don't," I whispered. I didn't need him to torture himself about it any more. "It wasn't your fault."

He looked disgusted. "Not my fault? Bella I almost took your life! And only because I wanted to see you."

"I wanted to see you too," I continued to whisper.

He sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, his support on his arms which were behind him. I sat in a ball, my knees brought up to my chin.

"It's good to see you," I said. I would have touched his arm or kissed his cheek, but that would be life threatening and he would most certainly not allow it.

He looked at me. His eyes were so sad, full of so much love.

"I didn't think it would be so hard," he said, shaking his head.

I pulled a couple strands of grass out of the ground and used it as a distraction for my eyes.

Edward was... beautiful. As a human Edward had always been attractive. As a... vampire he was... no words could even describe it. It was hard not to look at him. It was hard _to _look at him.

"But after I saw what happened to you Bella, I just couldn't leave you like that. I _had _to see you."

I tilted my head to the side, confused. "Saw what?"

His jaw stiffened, his golden eyes blackened as they were furious. "You tried to kill yourself Bella."

"I-"

"Twice."

I stared back at him, trying with all my might to look just as fierce and scary. "And this is the part where you tell me off?"

His features softened. "No, this is the part where I apologise again."

"You don't need-" but I cut myself off. _Yes_, he did need to apologise. Apologise for running away, for giving me a false sense of loss. I stared at him, waiting for the apology.

"I'm truly sorry for what I did Bella. I'm so sorry for abandoning you, for leaving you in the dark."

I nodded, accepting his apology. He still seemed upset with himself so I flashed him a smile, hoping it gave him the message. It had little effect.

"How did you see what I did to myself?" I asked.

Edward didn't seem reluctant to answer. "I saw it in people's minds."

"You saw-" I shook my head. "What the _hell_, Edward?"

He smiled. "I can read people's minds."

_Read this. _And I flashed him a third finger in my mind.

"Err, Edward?" I said after he didn't respond.

"Mmm?"

"No witty comeback?"

He was confused, but then he smiled in understanding. "I forgot to mention- you're the only exception."

"How?"

He sat up straight, he was thoughtful. "I'm not really sure yet. I haven't had time to talk to Carlisle about it properly. The only guess I have is that you're empty headed."

"I'd prefer it if you said I was tough minded."

He chuckled. "What ever." He smiled. "All I know is that it's really frustrating."

"Frustrating why?" I asked, still rubbing the strands of grass between my fingers. I could see my skin was stained slightly green.

"Well," he started. "For one, I can't see how you _really _respond to something- which drives me crazy. And it would be so _cool_ if I could really see what went on in Bella Swan's mind, you know?"

"No, I don't," I said dryly. "And I'm going to be forever grateful that you never will find out."

Something I had said unsettled him.

"What is it, Edward?"

He was hesitant. "Nothing, it's just... well did Carlisle mention anything about a... a vampires life span?"

"No."

He was silent and I stared at him. Carlisle said some myths were completely true. But which ones?

"You'll never die?" I blurted out, an odd feeling now in my stomach.

Edward nodded. "Never," he whispered.

I leaned back, not really noticing Edward stiffen at my movement. "Bloody hell Edward, that is just _so _unfair."

"You're right," he said and I looked up at him, surprised. "It's unfair that you get to live a perfectly normal life and never have to lie about what you are. You can marry, have children, and live a real life. And when you're tired and old, you get to go to what is probably the best luxury spa there is; heaven."

"Heaven is a spa?" I asked. Edward shrugged.

"I was never a fan of living luxuriously." I said, making Edward smile.

Then I remembered something and I had to ask.

"Edward... there was this night when I went onto the roof and... right before I was about to get down... someone called out to me to stop."

Edward smiled again, the smile even touching his eyes. "That was me."

Relief came to me at his words. He had been watching out for me. "But how come you didn't try to...eat me?"

"I watched you from a distance sometimes- that wasn't the first time. You were always a temptation, even from afar, but I was in complete control of my needs. I... I thought I could handle seeing you in the forest... but you just... you smelled so _good_. Better than I could have ever expected. Everything happened so quickly then and I forgot who I was. I forgot who_ you _were."

I breathed in a trembling breath at the memory.

There was silence for a bit. The wind was more noticeable now, the tree's branches moving in it. I shivered, realising it was cold.

Edward noticed and he smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I didn't realise it was so cold. We should go back inside."

I nodded, wrapping my arms around me tightly and standing up.

Edward looked at the ground, about to say something. "Umm... would it be ok if you...well, if you walked _behind _me?"

"Err, okay, but _why_?"

He looked ashamed. He kicked at the ground with his toe. "The wind," he mumbled.

"Oh," I said, understanding immediately. If I walked behind him, the wind would blow my scent away from us. If he lagged behind, it would hit him like a hammer. "Sure."

"You know the more I think about what has happened, the more bizarre it seems."

Edward laughed. "You're telling me?"

We walked a bit in silence and I searched for a way to break it.

"What's it like? Being a vampire?" I had to force myself to say the word.

Edward thought about that for a moment. "It's... crazy. I don't really know how to describe it. My sight, my smell, my hearing... it's all unbelievable. I can see the tiniest of tiny details, smell when someone has been somewhere and what they've touched. If I recognise the smell then I know who it was. And the hearing... there are so many sounds which I never knew existed, Bella. Being what I am not only changes what I am, but it changes the world I live in, too."

"When we were in the forest... you were so fast..." I said, remembering how he had seemed to disappear and reappear at the same time.

Again he laughed, and it was free. It was a beautiful sound. "Ah yes, this would have to be my favourite part of what I am. The _speed_. It's exhilarating, wonderful."

"Someone ran me to the house. Who was it?"

"That would have been Carlisle," he told me.

"He carried me like I weighed nothing. Are vampires super strong, too?"

"Stronger than you could ever imagine. I still struggle with doorknobs. Esme has asked everyone to leave doors open and she asked me never to knock if one is closed." He looked at me and he was grinning.

"It doesn't sound like you gave up much," I mumbled. Edward turned around and walked towards me. It surprised me and his expression frightened me. I recoiled slightly and, Edward, noticing this, softened up for me.

"I gave up my world for you Bella," he whispered passionately. "I understand my life was ending, but just know I would never have chosen this path, even with all its glorious advantages, if it hadn't been for the fact that it meant I could at least _see _you even if I could not have you."

I felt my eyes water as I realised that it was my fault he was this way, when he clearly would have preferred death.

"I'm going to die some day, Edward. And then you're self sacrifice won't have seemed like such a great idea."

Edward placed a hand on my cheek and I could see it in his face and posture how much self control this must require. "I would have done this to myself for one day with you, Bella."

"I'm hoping it's going to be a little longer than that," I said, smiling.

------------------------------------------

"Oh, Bella, you're just in time!" Esme seemed excited.

Edward bent down in my ear. "She made soup," he said in a low voice. "Be nice- she hasn't cooked anything in almost a hundred years."

"Almost a hundred-" I stopped myself saying that out loud. It was just absurd.

"I really do hope it tastes fine. There was nobody around who could taste it for me."

But it tasted delicious and I told her so. She was glowing with pride as she left the room. Edward sat opposite me, watching me with amusement.

"Wha'?" I said with a mouthful, the soup almost leaking out of my mouth.

"I was just remembering what food was like to eat. That's one human memory I can't wait to lose. I miss it too much."

"What are you talking about?"

"As the years pass by there's so many things we won't do or experience as a human would. It's just the same as when you don't do something in a long time; you eventually forget how to do it and even what it felt like to do. My vampire memories will never fade- but I wasn't a vampire when I ate food and tasted food."

"You're going to forget how you loved me? You're going to forget _me_?" I panicked.

"Silly Bella," he chuckled. "None of those things have changed. None of those things will ever change."

I relaxed and continued sipping my soup until I was finished. Edward stood up, a smug smile playing on his face. He reached out and grabbed my bowl.

"Let me get that for you," he said.

And then he wasn't there.

"Gah!" I cried as something tapped me on the shoulder. Edward burst out laughing but stopped immediately when he saw my face; fuming and furious.

"Sorry," he apologised, his mouth twitching as he fought a smile. "But your reaction is hilarious."

"I don't suppose it's ever possible to scare _you_?"

"Never," he said, grinning. He sat back down, next to me this time.

I sighed. "I need to get home." It was getting dark outside, so I knew Charlie was probably on his way back home if not already there.

Edward nodded sadly, upset that we were to separate. Esme came into the dining room then and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. Alice walked in behind her.

"Alice, dear, would you mind driving Bella home?" Esme asked her, her voice soft as a mother's.

Edward stood up. "I can do it."

"I don't recommend it," Alice said dryly and there was a second of silence. Edward winced and nodded.

"Alright," he croaked. He turned to me. "I will see you again?" He sounded hopeful. This was silly, of course, because he should be confident.

"Of course," I said and I touched his arm, making him freeze. I ignored it. "See you tomorrow."

I left the house with Alice, Edward trailing behind. He watched us until we were out of sight, finally reaching the end of the long driveway.

"You're not frightened of us." Alice stated after five minutes of silence.

I was surprised at her comment. "No," I said with all honesty.

"Edward's euphoric about your acceptance to what we are." She bit the inside of her cheek. "To what he is," she corrected.

I was about to argue but I had to think about it. If there was no Edward, would I have taken this new knowledge lightly? Would I have judged them for their reputation or for what was in their heart? If there was no Edward then I would not know about vampires.

"How did you come to be one?" I asked, choosing to not argue with her unfair accusation.

"I'm not sure," she said, staring straight ahead of her at the road. "I don't remember being human."

I felt my stomach drop. Edward had said human memories fade. Do they really fade _completely?_

"Edward said something about that," I told her. She glanced at me sideways and raised her eyebrows. "He said human memories fade the more years pass by."

But Alice shook her head. "They fade, yes. But only to a certain extent, as your memories do. If you try to think back to your first school camping trip or the latest one you can remember- you will remember it as if the memory is fresh, but when asked to describe what you see, finer details and even the more major ones become a little blurry and you become uncertain of what you remember is true or false. Am I right?"

I did so, thinking back to my first camping trip. When I tried to describe what I saw, I suddenly doubted those memories. No, wait, _did _I trip that time? Or was it at the river with the stepping stones?

"I see what you're saying," I told her.

She nodded and turned back to the road. "I don't remember _anything_."

She dropped me off in front of my house and pecked me on the cheek, an unexpected gesture. "Thanks for accepting us," she said and I watched her turn around and drive off. She waved at me as she passed me.

I noticed Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway. He had beaten me home.

"Hi dad," I called out as I entered the house.

"Oh hey Bella," Charlie said coming down the stairs. He looked around him. "You haven't seen the umbrella have you? Jane and I wanted to go for a walk."

"The umbrella?" I knew where it was alright; lying amongst the damp leaves on the forest floor. Never to be seen again. "No, dad, I have no idea. Haven't seen it anywhere. Did you look out the back, by the door?"

Charlie was thoughtful. "No, actually. Good idea."

I felt terribly guilty but I knew that telling Charlie I had dropped it in the forest would lead to questions.

Why didn't you pick it up? Oh, you didn't realise you dropped it? Can't you go get it? You don't know where it is? Well it should be on the trail... how far did you go in? Bella, you know it's not safe! Yada, yada, yada.

When I went into the kitchen there was dinner made. Jane must have cooked.

When I was finished I cleaned up all the dishes; which was only my plate and the tray Jane had kept the servings in. Everything that was usually piled by the end of the day had been done.

Charlie and Jane had decided to risk the probability of it raining and went for their walk. I decided to go to bed, it having been a _very _long day for me.

------------------------------------------

Charlie decided to wake me up that morning by putting ice on my face. I screamed and sat right up. I looked around me but Charlie was nowhere to be seen, _no one _was anywhere to be seen. Furious at being woken up, I got out of bed and switched on my computer. The computer made a high pitch 'eeeee' sound and didn't actually turn on. I tried restarting it. Again, it wouldn't turn on.

Short tempered and impatient, I kicked the blasted box. Nothing happened and I wasn't sure whether I was relieved or even angrier at that.

"Why won't you work, you useless thing?" I hissed, turning it back on and shaking it. A white hand was placed on top of mine and stopped the shaking.

"Bella, that really isn't healthy for the computer."

"Edward," I breathed, relieved. My morning moodiness instantly vanished and was replaced with happiness.

"I want to apologise for waking you up. I didn't realise I was _that _cold," he smiled at himself.

I stroked the back of his hand. "I thought Charlie had put ice on my face," I admitted, embarrassed.

And then Edward moved. Faster than I could see, he suddenly reappeared on the other side of my room.

"Edward?" I asked, standing up. Edward held up a hand silently asking me to stop. Several minutes passed away and he unfroze himself and walked back over to me.

"Your blush," he told me. "I forgot how easily you do it. And I underestimated what it can do to me now."

I was appalled. "Every time I _blush_ you're going to have to leave? That's so...unfair!"

"Relax Bella," he calmed me, placing a hand on my cheek. "I just need to get used to it."

"Are you used to being around me? You can ignore how I...smell?" I sounded hopeful but Edward shook his head.

"It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do relating to self control. Even worse than not talking back to my parents when I'm angry at them." He smiled, and I could tell he'd just resurfaced one of his own memories.

"Is Charlie home?" I asked, wondering what would happen if he walked right in on us now.

"Yes," Edward told me and I could almost feel my heart stopping. Edward must have heard something out of beat as he spoke his next words quickly with reassurance. "But he's asleep and if he approached this room or even _thought _about approaching, I would know immediately."

Wow. What a relief. I nodded my head. I also saw the time on the alarm clock beside my bed.

"It's four-thirty in the morning, Edward!"

Edward chuckled and shrugged. "I didn't _plan _on waking you up."

"What are you _doing _here at four in the morning?" I jabbed at him. "I never really figured you as a morning person."

He chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds before he answered. "I can't sleep."

"So take a sleeping pill?" I suggested.

"It's not like that…" he was hesitant. "Vampires can't sleep." He said it suddenly and forcefully.

I blinked a few times. "Ever?"

"Never," he confirmed. I let out a big rush of air, only realising then that I had held my breath.

"Can I ask a few questions?"

"Of course," he said. I walked over to my bed and sat down. Edward remained by my computer, keeping some distance between us. "Carlisle said some things about vampires are myths. Others he said were true."

"M-hmm," he said, looking at me, his eyes encouraging me to continue.

"You have to promise not to laugh," I warned him seriously. I took a breath. "Okay, so, how come you can go out in the day? I mean, yesterday... aren't you supposed to... _burn_."

Laughing anyway, he managed to say, "Myth."

"Okay... what about turning into a bat? That one's popular."

"Definitely a myth. Thank goodness for that," he shivered. "Ugh, _bats_."

"Um... fangs?"

He smiled, showing me a full set of straight, white _square _teeth.

"Right, well that's good. Fangs _would _be a little scary,"

"Scarier than a vampire?" He asked stepping up to me, his hand placed gently on my cheek.

I struggled to speak. "Fangs make the vampire." I said finally.

"Then what is it that makes me?" He asked as his hand moved down my cheek slowly until it stopped by my mouth.

I tried to shrug. "I…don't know…" it was difficult to concentrate.

"Is that all you wanted to ask me?" He said quietly.

I shrugged again. He frowned and moved his hand away.

"I'm surprised. I got off light," he said.

"Hey, I'm just a little brain dead, alright?"

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" he asked, concerned now.

Yes, really, I did. More than anyone could imagine. "No, I'm fine."

But Edward smiled and placed his hand once more to my cheek. "I'll be back ain a few hours."

My eyes widened. "No," I reached out for him. "Stay, please. I'll sleep, just stay with me." I pleaded.

He stared at me, studied me, until his face practically glowed. "I'll stay, I promise. I'll be right here." He sat down in the rocking chair, and I stared at him and all his unnatural beauty. Edward was back. He had never left me. And now he sat in my room, watching over me as I slept. That thought alone sent me into a pleasant slumber.

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So there we have it! Chapter 9! I can't say when the next chapter will be up. It may be the holidays... but I still have to do homework _and _have a social life. 

Thanks for reading! Hope it was worth the wait:-)

Review!


	10. Better Late Than Never

Okay, so this update was a bit faster than the last one! I hope you all enjoy it, don't forget to review your thoughts (on the story) once you've read it:-)

I would just like to mention - because I know I do it a lot- that I do often repost chapters. This is only because I will see a small mistake in them and it just bugs me to no end so I have to fix it... which means I usually have to remove the chapter from the story and then put it back in... sorry for those who thought this was an update :-(

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Chapter 10 

**Better Late Than Never**

"Bella, you need to wake up."

"Go away," I mumbled, pulling the blanket over my head and rolling away from the pestering voice. Why couldn't I just be left alone? I wanted to sleep. The blanket was pulled back slightly and a small breeze of cool air broke into my little warm atmosphere under the thick cover.

"Let me sleep!" I yanked the blanket higher. The voice chuckled and spoke in a low whisper into my ear through the blanket.

"Bella, if you don't get up now you will be late for school."

It took a few seconds for me to absorb that.

"School?" I whimpered. The blanket was pulled down slowly. I didn't fight to pull it back up.

"Yes, school," the voice said by my ear. I rolled over slightly so Edward's face was right up to mine.

"I don't want to go if you're not coming," I told him. He frowned slightly.

"You know you can't miss school. You're falling too far behind, Bella." His voice was disapproving.

"Who needs an education?" I shrugged.

"You do," he said, sitting back up. I sat up too and crossed my arms across my chest.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He was suddenly and unexpectedly serious. He placed a hand to my face as he looked me in the eye. "When I left I practically ruined your life, Bella. You have such a promising future and I almost took that away from you. Bella, I am _not _going to do that to you again."

"You never took anything from me. I did that to myself." I whispered, looking away. I didn't like bringing back the past.

"Because of me," he said. "I realise how it would have looked to you, Bella. Me, just disappearing. I can't imagine how I would handle that if our places had been reversed. Then again, you're too smart to make the same choice as I did."

"Believe me, Edward. I would have made the _exact _same choice."

"You tend to think things through more thoroughly. You would have realised that in the long run things would be better if you didn't become a vampire; for both of us."

"Yes, well, our places have not been reversed so there's no point in arguing about this, Edward." I snapped rather harshly. I didn't like hearing him regret his decisions. I was too happy that he was here with me. I shook my head and looked at him with a pout. "Do I really have to go to school? I'm sure you can do a really convincing impersonation of Charlie. Maybe if ring up the school and tell them-"

"Don't even think about it," he said. I bit my lower lip in defeat and looked at the ground.

"I don't want to be away from you," I whispered. Edward was immediately in front of me, his hands grasped around my wrists.

"I'll come see you at lunch," he promised. "And I will pick you up from school."

"You'll pick me up in what Edward?"

"Your car," he said.

"You might want to get those windows tinted," I said dryly. He frowned and I sighed. "I'll just see you after school when I get home."

He didn't say anything. He just released my wrists and placed a hand on my lower back, pushing me gently up.

"You really need to get ready for school. I'll be down in the kitchen waiting."

"Okay," I said as he suddenly disappeared.

I rushed to get ready, not paying too much attention to what I was dressing into. I put my hair up in a lazy ponytail and brushed my teeth. Edward was in the kitchen as he had said he would be. He was leaning back on one of the table chairs with one arm folded back behind his head. A bowl of cereal rested in front of him and he removed his arm to push across in front of the chair beside him; the one I sat down in. In his other hand he spun a spoon between his fingers skilfully and smoothly placed it beside my bowl.

"Thanks," I mumbled, digging my spoon into the bowl and shoving it into my mouth. I didn't speak as I ate; I needed to finish quickly. Edward took my bowl and spoon from me when I was done and put it into the sink. He was suddenly standing in front of me with my schoolbag and coat. I said another "thanks," as I took it and walked out the front door, Edward quickly following me. I dug in my coat pocket looking for my keys to lock the door but I couldn't find them.

"Hurry up!" Edward said and I looked at him in aggravation.

"I can't find my keys," I explained but Edward lifted his hand up and jingled something. I scowled. It was my keys. "I need to lock the door." I said, putting my hands on my hips. Edward merely raised his eyebrows. My eyes narrowed as I turned around and twisted the doorknob. It was locked. With an irritated huff I turned around and marched to my truck. Edward dropped my keys into my hand and leaned low into my ear.

"Have a great day at school. I'll miss you."

That made me smile, and I arrived at school with a light heart.

However nobody was to know that or to even notice it. I was invisible in these halls. I had made myself invisible.

I sauntered my way to first class even though I was running late. Other last-minuters carelessly scurried past me, bumping into me often. One person actually knocked my books from my hands and they fell to the floor, scattering.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" They turned around and started to crouch to the floor to collect my books but stopped once they recognised who I was. "Oh. Hey, Bella," I forget the students name but it was a familiar face. He checked his watch and stood back up. "I, uh, really need to get to class. Mr. Johnson will be really mad if I, you know, well, see you round."

I took my bag off and bent down to pick up the books myself, slowly though as I was in no rush. I realised the hallway was empty. It was a major sign for being very late to class. I was probably heading for an after school detention.

I stacked my books orderly and slung my bag over my shoulder before continuing down the hallway to my class.

The classroom door was slightly ajar and for the first time in a year and a half, I was afraid of a teacher.

"Um, excuse me," I poked my head through the door shyly and my body slowly followed through. "Sorry I'm late," I spoke in a quiet voice.

"Isabella Swan," he checked his clipboard. "You have missed registration this morning," he shook his head and added a dry, "again." He looked at me, pushing his small round glasses up his nose slightly. "Go see the principal. And take this with you, please." He handed me the clipboard which had attached to it a list of all the students' names with squares to mark their presence or absence for the day.

I left the classroom and walked casually to the principal's office. I knocked on his door two times before taking a seat. The chair was rather stiff and its material was itchy. I was relieved when Mr. Greene opened his door and ushered me in. He took the clipboard from me and placed it on his desk.

"Would you like to tell me why you have been sent to my office, Miss. Swan?" He asked as he sat down in his chair behind the large wooden desk.

"I was late," I mumbled, looking into the corner of the room.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I was late," I said a little louder.

Back in the rebellious days I had held no fear for these teacher's wraths. I didn't care what they did to me, how they shouted at me, told me I wasn't doing myself any favours. Nothing they said was new to me. I had enjoyed being punished for doing wrong.

But I didn't want to get in trouble now. I wasn't that same Bella.

"Why were you late?" he asked me.

I didn't have an excuse. Not one I could tell him and still expect to be going home by the end of the day. I would rather not end up at some mental institution. "I don't know," I answered.

Mr. Greene was silent and he stared at me with hard eyes while he made a decision. "Bella, I don't know what to do with you. We have suspended you, detained you before, after, during school. Expulsion was not an option but, Bella, I warn you- if you're late once more I _will_ be taking such an action. Do you understand me?"

I nodded, too afraid to speak.

He sighed. "Go home, Bella, and make sure you're on time tomorrow."

I adjusted my bag slightly so it was sitting more comfortably on my shoulder as I left the room quickly and silently. I walked right past my truck in the parking lot, too shy to start its roaring engine.

It was a decent walk back home but I took my time. I wondered how Edward would react when he found out I was on the brink of expulsion. I decided he didn't need to know and I would try to keep it from him.

"Suspended?" a voice asked curtly from behind me. I shrieked and dropped my bag as I turned around.

Edward caught my bag in a flash and slipped it onto his own shoulder. He wasn't smiling.

"N-no, just sent h-home for the day," I shook my head. "Jesus Edward you scared the crap out of me!"

He continued to glare at me, his jaw set firmly. "Why are you walking?"

"Because I wanted to," I said. If he was going to be like this, well then I would too.

"Where's your truck?"

"It's at school."

He sighed and shook his head. "I'm going to go get it. Wait here; I'll come pick you up."

"I'd rather walk," I told him stubbornly.

He turned to face me, his eyes furious. I shrank back slightly, frightened. He noticed this and instantly calmed down. "Bella, please. I won't be more than five minutes."

I chewed the inside of my cheek and looked down. "Fine," I said finally.

He placed a cold hand on my cheek. I smiled slightly and looked up.

But he was already gone.

I sat down on the edge of a low brick fence behind me, waiting for Edward to return. How had he known I was suspended? Was it even suspension anyway? It was only for a day. But how had he known? He was a vampire. He said he'd had good hearing. But not _that _good I'm sure. Or had he been following me? Watching out for me behind my back? I really hoped not. I didn't want him to know what I was in this school. I hated myself for being too ashamed to be able to admit this to him.

I could hear my car coming down the street and I stood up as Edward pulled over for me. The passenger door was open and I got silently in.

"I'm sorry I got mad at you earlier," I told him, looking out the window as he drove down the street. He had all windows open and he stared out the front window. He didn't look at me once.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. I didn't realise I had upset him so much.

His voice was strained when he answered. "Not now, Bella."

I glared at him for a moment and leant back forcefully in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. The rest of the drive was in silence.

When Edward parked the car he was out of it in an instance and, five meters away, standing in the middle of my front lawn facing away from me, my bag was on the ground at his heels. He had left the keys in the ignition so I took them out and locked all the doors before walking slowly over to Edward.

"What's all this about?" I asked him. He was behaving so strangely. He turned to me slowly, a triumphant grin on his beautiful face.

"I did it," he said. I frowned and he continued. "The windows open helped a lot but it was still… extremely difficult. But I did it."

Oh. That's why he had been so quiet in the car. It was me, my scent, my blood.

"Oh. I'm sorry for how rude I was. I thought it was something else." I looked down at my feet, ashamed.

Edward lifted my face up, his hand beneath my chin. "I'm sorry for how I was too, earlier. Will you forgive me?"

"Only if you can forgive me," I said playfully. He smiled.

"Done," he said but he was suddenly serious again. "You were suspended."

I froze. "Yes," I said cautiously.

"Was it because you were late?"

He didn't need to know the _whole _truth. "Yes."

He let out an angry huff of air and then he looked at me. "I'm sorry, it was my fault."

I laughed humourlessly. "I don't really see how that is true. Anway, better late than never right?"

He ignored my last comment. "I woke you up very early this morning. And then I let you sleep in."

"You weren't to know what kind of trouble I was in at school," I said. And then froze again in horror.

Edward took a slow step towards me. "Bella," he eyed me hard. "Do you care to explain?"

"No!" I said quickly spinning around and running towards the house. I fumbled with the keys as I tried to put them into the key lock in the door. My shaking hands permitted no self control. I missed the lock every time.

Edward's cool hands were placed over mine and he guided my hands slowly to the lock and slipped it in. We gave the keys a twist and the door opened.

"Now," he whispered low into my ear. "We don't have to talk about this right now if you don't want to."

I let out an unsteady breath, relieved.

"But don't think I won't bring it up again," he paused, "soon."

He released me and I slipped into the house, bounding up the stairs into my room. I tripped on the last step and went flying into the wall. I slid to the ground moaning and holding my head.

"Arghhhh," my head throbbed and I was feeling very dizzy.

"Bella!" Edward sounded appalled. "Are you alright? Does you're head hurt?"

"Of course it hurts!" I cried, closing my eyes tightly because when they were open everything spun.

"We need to get some ice on that. I'm going to pick you up okay? And take you to the couch. Ready? One, two, three…"

I felt myself lifted and I rested my head against his chest. I was suddenly hit with an inspiration and when he went to place me down I gripped tightly on to him.

"No," I moaned.

"What is it?" He asked, concerned.

"Sit down," my words were mumbled, because speaking properly hurt my head.

He sat down and I lay across him. I lifted my head slightly, ignoring the terrible spinning and throbbing and searched blindly for the bottom of his shirt. When I found it I pulled it upwards, revealing his stomach. I was terribly tempted to sneak a peek.

"Bella?" he asked, even more concerned now.

"Shh," I hushed as I lay my head back down on his now bare stomach. The coldness of it felt wonderful against my sore head. "Ahhhh, that's better."

It felt like lying on a cold rock, except this rock was perfectly smooth and surprisingly comfortable.

I was just nodding off when suddenly my head hit the couch. "Ow!" I complained, opening my eyes to search for Edward. But he was nowhere to be seen. I looked out the window to see a dark blue sky and a large brilliant moon. What time was it? I heard the door of the front door open and an exhausted Charlie walked through, hung up his coat and gun belt and waddled into the living room. I wailed in pain when he turned on the light, making him jump back in fright.

"Bella! What on earth-" but he froze when I lifted up my head to look at him through squinted eyes. He rushed to my side to examine my head more closely. "Bella, what happened to you? Who did this?" he demanded.

"Nobody," I pushed him away. "I tripped on the stairs, that's all. Can you please turn off the light?"

"Should I get you to a hospital? Check for a concussion?"

"No, dad! I'm perfectly fine. Just a bad headache now. Don't over react."

"Sorry Bells, you just scared me. Do you still want me to turn off the light?"

"Yes dad thanks."

He switched off the light and I fell asleep.

------------------------------------------

"Bella, you have to get up _now_!"

I rolled over to see who was causing the fuss. He pulled the sheets off my bed completely. "Up!" he demanded. I realised I was in my bed, and not on the couch where I had originally fallen asleep.

"Hey," I complained. "You're putting those back on."

"Only when you're not in the bed. Get up!"

"No it's fine, I can wait." But I was lifted up and flung so I was standing on my two feet.

"Oh Bella," he was suddenly concerned and I frowned. He placed a hand gently onto my head. "This is bad."

I shooed his hand away. I knew what he was worrying over. "It's just a bruise," I said, stepping away from him. He continued to hold onto me, his eyes on my bruise. "Hey, you wanted me up, now I'm up! Move!" He took a step back obediently, letting me past him. I rummaged through my draws, collecting the days outfit.

"I should have caught you," he sulked. "I could have, so easily."

I continued searching through my draws. Where was that blasted green T? "Don't be stupid Edward, you were too far away."

"No I wasn't. Why didn't I catch you? I didn't even try."

I found it finally and turned around to Edward. I lifted my hand in the air to emphasise my words with exaggerated motions. "Edward, would you please just get over it? It's really not a big deal. Plus, you'll have plenty more opportunities to make up for this one time. Okay? And really, it doesn't even hurt tha-", I froze when a black bra flew from my hand, which had been holding my under-wear and T-shirt, and hit Edward in the chest. He looked down and caught it as it fell to the floor. He stared at it, stunned. I laughed. "Edward, can I please have my bra back?" He stared at me, mortified. "Oh come _on _Edward! It's just a bra. Don't be a prude." He glared at me now and threw me my bra. I caught it and stuffed it back into my hand as I used my other one to pick up my favourite pair of jeans. I walked past Edward without any words. He was clearly annoyed at being called a prude.

In the bathroom, I inspected my bruise in the mirror. It really was quite impressive. I didn't remember exactly what had happened when I fell, but by the location of the bruise I must have twisted my head slightly and my temple and cheekbone getting hardest impact. I suspected I had run into the corner of the wall. I dressed quickly and left my hair down to hide the bruise. It would only lead to questions, which I wanted to avoid.

"I'm ready!" I announced to Edward, who sat in my rocking chair, bored. He smiled when he saw me.

"You look beautiful," he whispered, his lips by my ear. He gently kissed my bruise. It didn't even hurt.

"Well, let's get this human to school!" I cheered. "On time!"

Edward shook his head. "First this human needs some _breakfast_."

"I'm really not hungry," I pouted.

"If you don't eat it yourself, I'll force feed you," he warned.

I winked seductively at him and purred, "I'd like to see you try."

------------------------------------------

"Good to see you _on time _today Bella," my teacher Mr. Harrison said, marking something by my name on the infamous clipboard.

I muttered a "thankyou," as I rushed past him to take my seat.

"Now, as you're all aware, tomorrow is Sports Day!" Mr. Harrison announced once everyone was seated. "Coach Clapp has asked me to remind you that anyone who does not participate in this event will be suffering the consequences of a week's after-school detention and a damaged grade. So unless you have an extra special reason not to be taking part in tomorrow, you may want to reconsider 'forgetting' you're gym clothes or 'spraining' an ankle."

There a groans from several students and other talked excitedly among themselves about which events they wanted to take part in. I joined the groaning crowd.

"Oh and can I please have a word to Mike Newton after class? Thankyou."

Mike looked as confused as his classmates when I turned around to look at him. He caught my eye and his widened in surprise. Was this unusual behaviour of me? I couldn't remember.

I was relieved when class was over, but I couldn't get that sick feeling of dread out of my system. I could feel it right down into my toes. _Sports day. _"Ugh."

I got a lot of head aches that day. I eventually had to go see the nurse for some pain killers it became too unbearable. She was slightly concerned about the bruise but I told her there was nothing to worry about.

"Are you sure, love? You really hit a delicate spot. You didn't faint at any time?"

"No," I answered dully. She let me go without any further questions.

I sat by myself at lunch; as usual.

Which was why it came as such a surprise when Mike sat down beside me with a lunch tray full of food.

"Hey Bella," he said casually, unwrapping his sandwich and taking a large bite.

"Hi," I said, suspicious.

"How are you doing?" He took another bite and I watched as a bit of mayo-covered lettuce dropped out from the side.

It took a moment to compose myself. "I'm…fine. How are you?"

It was an awkward moment and I watched Mike as he took another bite from his sandwich. It was a surprisingly large thing and he had almost finished half of it in just three mouthfuls.

"I've been better," he placed his sandwich down and picked up a serviette to wipe his mouth with. His attention was on the serviette as he spoke, "Listen Bella, we're going down to the beach tonight. I want you to come."

"To the beach?" I asked dumbly.

"Yes," Mike said slowly, looking at me with worried eyes, "to the beach."

I was so taken aback I couldn't answer. Mike stood up with his tray. "Think about it Bells. Meet us by Tyler's van after school. I would really like you to come. We miss you, Bells." And then he walked off to join all his friends for the rest of lunch. I just sat there replaying the last few minutes in my mind, and, more importantly, the last few words.

_We miss you, Bells._

And I realised, after a year and a half, I missed them, too.

* * *

I would have liked to have kept going but I thought it would be better if I put the beach and _Sports Day _into a seperate chapter. I hope you enjoyed that chapter, please review if you want another one soon! Holidays end soon and once it's back to school it might be a while before I get another one up. Hopefully not nearly as long as last time- I will try and avoid leaving you all hanging for such a long while! 

Thanks for reading! Please, review :-)


	11. Author's Note GOOD NEWS

HEY EVERYONE

HEY EVERYONE!

bet you thought i'd given up on this story, didn't you? of course not! the simple truth is i've simply been so busy with... EVERYTHING that i haven't had time or the heart to write :(

my most profound and sincere apologies to all those who have been wanting and waiting to see this story get a move on!

so, i better stop here and get working on the next chapter!


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